Breathing and Grasping (Ben Bruce)

Chapter 13

*possible trigger warning/ self harm*

The drinking hasn't stopped since the previous night. People have passed out, woke up and continued to drink. Some people are still awake from the party that was thrown over 24 hours ago. The only difference is that the party has moved to the new Asking bus. Probably because they are quickly becoming known as the band that knows how to party! Some people had the brains to stop or slow down but others continued. It's all fun for them but I'm not drinking.

I feel like an outcast, like I don't belong. I try to join in but it's like they are speaking their own slurred language and everything is fucking hilarious to them. There is also two pools of vomit and spilled alcohol near the bunks and quite frankly, the whole bus is a wreak. Fuck knows how we can pay for the damage and destruction. I was sat on the sofa next to Hayden Tree and a passed out tech guy.

"Hey Jamie, follow me?" Ben shouted over the booming stereo that was blasting Slipknot. Carefully climbing over vomit and passed out bodies I made it to the back lounge where my boyfriend had lead me. I hope he doesn't want sex, he is so drunk that he probably wouldn't know where to put it!

"Why aren't you drinking?" He questioned before emptying a bottle.

"You know why Ben" I stated, trying not to sound horrible.

"Why did i end up with you?" He muttered, "I can't have a girlfriend that is straight edge. That's not me!" He slurred once more.

"Oh, I see where this is going", tears brimmed in my eyes, "well I'll make this real fucking easy for you!" Storming out of the room and off the bus, I slammed each door behind me. Having no clue where I was, I ran south and sat outside the closed food court. Knees in my chest, head in my hands, I couldn't turn the taps off on my eyes.

How could he do this? He said he fucking understood. He said that he didn't care what I was. He said he loved me! I love him. I love him so much but he obviously doesn't respect my decisions and life choices.

Wiping my burning eyes with my jacket sleeve, I picked up a piece of smashed glass I found next to me and held it in my little hand. I repeatedly spun it in with fingers feeling the sharp edges. Without thinking, I slid the broken glass across my wrists and up my arms, opening my skin perfectly. I wasn't even crying anymore. I stopped feeling. As blood started to drip off my forearms, my sight was a blur.

"Jamie? Crap" I heard a familiar voice gasp. Raising my head, my red eyes met with Austin Carlile's watery ones. "What happened?" He questioned, grabbing my arms trying to assess the damage I have caused to myself.

"B-Ben's left me. Because I'm straight-e-edge" I sobbed in broken words.

"I'm so sorry Jamie" he whispered switching his brown eyes from mine to my arms. Oh how I already regret it. "People will leave you but that doesn't mean it's your fault"