Glory Days ↠ Marvel One Shots

Cabin Fever | Riley Stark

  Thor was the only one who paid her no mind, distracted with the concept of tissue boxes. For whatever reason, he found it amusing how many tissues could fit in one box, which was funny until he wasted 12 boxes of tissues just yanking them out one after another in mere minutes. Riley (well, Tony, technically, because Riley stole Tony's credit card two days ago, and he never noticed) was going to go bankrupt over tissues at this rate.

  "But you—" Riley pointed an accusatory finger at Tony, who raised his hands in defense at first, only to greet her with a set of middle fingers a second later. Riley grabbed the nearest pillow and whacked him with it as she said, "You're—a—billionaire! Go home! What do you pay Happy for anyway? Do you make him snuggle with you when Pepper's mad at you, huh?"

  "So what if he does? He's toasty," Tony remarked nasally.

  "I thought he was Happy," Clint chimed from his spot on the couch.

  Beside him, Natasha snorted, "Not usually."

  "Doesn't even sound like a real name," Bruce mumbled. "Sounds like a Snow White dwarf reject if you asked me."

  "He got rejected because the dwarves heard his singing voice. Sounds just like Snow after the apple," Tony quipped, sniffling loudly. "And for the record, Pepper will kill me if I get her sick. She's the CEO of Stark Industries, the first female CEO of Stark Industries, might I add, have I mentioned that before—?"

  Tony was interrupted by an exasperated chorus of, "No, never heard that before", "That's not really a flex!", and"Yes, shut up!"

  "If I get sick, I'll kill you," Riley threatened. "Doesn't that scare you more? I have superpowers!"

  "The only thing you're hitting is puberty," Tony scoffed.

  "The only thing you're hitting is the grave, you senile bastard—"

  "Happy," Steve suddenly said. He sluggishly sat up, blond hair sticking up on one side, waving his hand. "The dwarves, Happy. I didn't get that at first." He rubbed his tired face, pulling at his skin in exhaustion. "You all move too fast for me."

  "You sound just like my buddy who got stuck in an ice cube and missed the invention of sliced bread," Tony said while blowing into another tissue.

  "He's not that old," Riley defended. "But I bet you know all about that, Grandpa." She shoved Tony's legs from where they were propped on the coffee table, ignoring the look Natasha shot her. "Ни единого слова." Not one word.

  "Это судебный процесс, ожидающий своего часа," Natasha cooed, crinkling her bright red nose with false glee. That's a lawsuit waiting to happen.

  Riley mimicked her, rasp and all, before forcing two bright pink pills into Steve's palm. "Alright," said Riley. "Swallow, spangles."

  Steve was, by far, the worst to care for. He didn't complain the way Clint and Bruce did, didn't abuse her the way Tony and Thor did, didn't cackle at her misery the way Natasha did. He was actually quite polite. At first, he insisted on taking care of himself, as he was somehow the first of the bunch to fall ill. But that resulted in just about everyone else getting sick, one after another, until Riley was the last man standing.

  Even the Hulk got sick because of Bruce. He Hulked out for only five minutes, which was terrible and snotty and traumatizing, but it was by far the worst five minutes of Riley's life. And she'd been beaten up by a god at this point in her life.