TWISTED // Clato | ✓

Chapter 16: Colorblind

CATO'S POV:

It's like the world I knew, the world I was a part of, the world filled with people I love, has vanished. Diffused, along with any heart I ever had. I'm left an empty shell, with no ambitions but to kill anyone who caused me pain. And I'll start with Thresh.

I move like a zombie, kicking dirt aside, barely knowing where I am or what I want. My only goal is to rid this arena of Thresh. I really should have cleared him out long ago, but I didn't. So I have to now. I don't even care if I die in the process. What's life to me now? Impulsively, I thrust out my sword and stab the trunk of a nearby tree. 

My grief is beyond tears. It's robbed me of barely any feeling. It's like I'm colorblind. The sky is grey; the trees are black. As for me, I'm barely aware of my surroundings. I'm not scared anymore. Not at all. I'm not worried about Katniss or someone else ambushing me. 

I will kill Thresh is the only thing that still registers. I think his territory is the other side of the Cornucopia field. Where it drops off into something. That's where I'll go.

It must be midday by now, but I wouldn't know. I'm locked in some airtight blank world with only Thresh at the end, waiting to be avenged. Avenged for killing my Clove.

My anger is all that surfaces. Along with Clove went anything or anyone I still cared about. All feeling is gone from my limbs. My hands grip my sword on impulse. 

The world's gone as colorless as the Black 'en White Cafe. My mind drifts back to the waitresses in their short black-and-white polka dotted dresses. But I quickly shut out the thought, because when I see it, I see Clove, sitting across the chrome table, with her hair in a silky black ponytail, wearing a beautiful dark-colored dress, and a ring on her finger. The ring I gave her. Cow's tongue on the table.

I let out a strangled sound and knock a branch from a tree in one thrust, propelled by my fury. I hurl myself forward. I'm going to do it, and I'm going to do it now. Ordinarily, I don't know if I'd be able to overcome Thresh, but I feel enough anger and revenge surging through my veins to be capable of anything. I charge across the field and leap over the drop-off.

I land sixteen feet below, somehow on two feet. Barely aware of the jarring in my feet, I swing my sword forward and stare ahead.

I'm surrounded by a large straw-colored meadow. The grass is so high it comes to my chest. I look around. Thresh is nowhere to be seen. Yet I'm sure he went this way, and it doesn't look like there's anything beyond.

Moving slowly and firmly, like an executioner, I march through the weeds, sword held ready. A rattling sound appears nearby, and I jerk around.

Instead of Thresh, a huge rattlesnake launches itself at me. I whack off its head with a mindless thrust. Then I continue. I may be walking to my death, but I don't care.

I'm already mostly dead anyway.

I wish I could have grabbed Clove, held her back from dying, saved her before the hovercraft came, revived her back to life. The dream is impossible now; gone. Ended by a rock from Thresh. He'll get a rock from me. No, I'll make it worse.

So he cared about Rue, that little girl from his district, did he? Didn't want her to get hurt, eh? He could have thought a little more about not hurting little girls before he crushed Clove. And it wasn't even her fault!

I hate Marvel all of a sudden, even though I know he couldn't have helped this. But I need someone else to blame! Someone to hate to cover my grief. I don't know if hate cures grief, but it does make me feel a little better.

The feeling doesn't last. The hate dissolves, replaced by... nothing. How can I cure my grief? Find someone else to hate?

No. I have to find someone else to love. But I'm completely incapable of that at this point. I only ever loved one girl. I can never love anyone else.