Pride

Chapter 10- Chase

"See you."

She pulls away, then turns and leaves. I remember how I used to watch her go, how I used to like the way her hips sway when she walks, how her hair swishes behind her, how her-

And now I don't.

"How do I tell her that I don't feel the way I used to anymore?" I ask Levi about an hour later, when we're sitting in my room with our homework out but I can't focus because I can't stop feeling the growing echo of dread in my stomach from when she kissed me.

"Just tell her you lost feelings."

I press my lips together. Ashley isn't my first girlfriend, but she's my longest relationship, and she's definitely my most exclusive relationship. And I do care about her feelings. Werewolf hooks up with girls randomly whenever he feels like it, and I basically try to do everything I can not to be like him, so I don't want to just dump her without any reason. And I have a lot of respect for women- people in general, actually- especially when I am actively in a relationship with them. So I feel like I should give her an actual reason. Like, the truth.

"But... I mean, I might not be feeling like this if it wasn't for this whole sexuality thing."

"If it's happening now because of this, then it probably would've happened some other time anyways. But if you want to tell her the truth, then just say that you're trying to figure out your sexuality and you think it's impeding your ability to focus on a relationship."

That sounds better. But I'm not entirely sure if I want her to know I'm having a sexuality crisis, either. She might start asking questions, and I'm really not prepared to answer anything at the moment.

"Or just say you're working through some stuff, and it's hard to concentrate on a relationship when that's happening. Or your feelings for her have changed. Or some confusing stuff is going on in your life. Or straight up just say you don't think you're in a good place to be in a relationship right now. Any of which is technically true."

I bite my lip. "Okay."

He eyes me. "Just make sure you put aside your pride before you have that conversation. Because if you go in strutting, she's going to want to punch you."

He has a point. The difficulty I have in putting aside my pride is probably my biggest flaw as a person. Being vulnerable. My dad thinks it's because my mom left us, Levi thinks it's societal stereotypes, and I don't really care, because I don't get too close with many people anyways and don't feel like baring my soul to everyone I meet.

"You don't have to spill your guts to her, just try and seem real," Levi tells me. I nod, though I know it'll be easier said than done.

Still, his words are what I'm mentally chanting to myself as I ask Ashley if we can talk, just as the lunch bell rings (since I know I'm probably going to have to go do something soon). She looks surprised, but says yes. Levi shoots me a supportive look, which I'm a little grateful for.

My relationship with Ashley has never been too deep. Like, yes, we've gone on dates and kissed and had sex and all that, but it's not like we talk about emotions much. So it's looking like our most emotionally intimate moment will be our breakup. Ironic.

"What do you want to talk about?" she asks, looking kind of wary. "Is this about your homework load, lately? Your busy schedule?"

I sit on a desk of the empty classroom we're in and swallow. "No. Well, kind of."

She sits next to me, putting her tiny hand over mine. "Okay. What is it, then?"

I meet her gaze. She looks like she might have an idea, which is fair, since "Can we talk?" are generally not words that lead up to a positive thing, especially after your boyfriend has been avoiding you for a few days.

"It's about... us. Well, me."

"'It's not you, it's me'?" she says with a slightly playful tone. I try for a smile.

"It actually is, though. I've just... been going through some stuff. Confusing stuff. I'm trying to... figure it out. It's..." I shake my head. Get it out. "I just don't think it's the best idea for me to be in a relationship right now. I'm... sorry."

She gives me a sad smile. "I figured as much. You've seemed distant."

She leans in for a hug, and it feels massively better to know it means nothing.

"I hope you figure it out, Chase," she whispers, and I swallow and nod.

And she leaves.

Did you see this coming? Do you agree with Levi's advice? Do you think that Chase made the right choice (or at least the best choice for him)? How do you feel about Ashley?

Please feel free to let me know if you enjoyed this chapter by voting or commenting! Thank you so much for reading!