The Uneventful Life of Harvey Mackler

c h a p t e r | t w e n t y - o n e

"It doesn't look that bad," she says in a placating tone. "At least you smell very... minty."

Hayden sighs, shooting me a final death glare before resting his forehead on Gia's.

"Gi," he says calmly, wrapping his arms around her waist and bringing her even closer to him, "please tell your psychotic best friend that if I lose my job because of her, I'm going to make her pay for it."

"Gia," I respond saccharinely, "please tell your hysterical boyfriend that he is the one who initiated Prank Week, and if he cannot handle retaliation, then he shouldn't bother starting something he can't finish."

Gia peels herself away from Hayden, latching her hand onto my arm.

"Alright, I think it's time for us to go now, Harvey."

"But—"

Gia cuts off my protests by eagerly waving goodbye to Jay and Hayden, before promptly dragging me out of the store.

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"Harvey," Harry asks me the following morning at breakfast while I'm pouring out a bowl of cereal for him. "Why's the milk green?"

"Because Haydie is an unimaginative schmuck that wants me to die of starvation," I mutter darkly.

A pensive look forms on my five year old brother's face as he stares into his cereal bowl.

"It reminds me of dinosaur milk," he giggles. "Steggy from Dino-Cafe only drinks green milkshakes."

The memory of one of his favourite tv shows, a cartoon about a group of bright-coloured dinosaurs that run a cafe together, amuses Harry enough to eagerly scoop up a spoonful of the green stained cereal into his mouth.

At least, Harry isn't put off by it. As I sip on my black coffee, watching Harry dig into his breakfast and try to explain more about the show to me, I ponder over the health risks of a purple-fleshed stegosaurus consuming such a high dairy diet. Not that I bring this up with Harry — he'd probably stare blankly at me if I did.

Unlike Harry and his dear friend Steggy, I am not a fan of the green-dyed milk. I'm allergic to the green food colouring Hayden has put in every bottle of milk in the house, and now I'm too afraid to touch anything else vaguely resembling the same shade of green in case I end up breaking out in hives.

I've already had to spit out the first cup of coffee I made this morning, thanks to my half-asleep brain not noticing the odd colour until the milky beverage was halfway down my throat. Now I'm just too paranoid to eat anything else.

"AaaaAAAAAAGGGHHHHH!"

At least that will always be a comforting sound. The horrified wails of Hayden shrieking at the top of his lungs. He must have found my surprise for him.

I can here the faint snapping of the eight mousetraps I'd set up outside his room going off. Earlier this morning, I wrapped a thin layer of cling film over Hayden's door. If all is going well, by now he must be struggling to free himself from the transparent plastic wrap which should have caused him to trip over onto the mousetraps. I chuckle quietly to myself.

Hunter walks into the kitchen to see the satisfied smile that settles on my lips.

Moments later, Hayden dashes in, hair dishevelled and heaving dramatically as his eyes land on me. "Well played, Harvey, well played."

He flattens his palm on the kitchen table, narrowing his eyes at me while Hunter helps him to remove the final mousetrap lodged in his hair.

"You're welcome," I say, smirking into my cup.