I woke up with a massive headache today. I've been getting them lately. But I had to get to work today just because. "Magpacheck-up ka na kaya?" my mom said. "Next time nalang, Ma. I really have to get to work today and I must not miss a day's work this month. Besides, kaya pa naman ng gamot eh." "Shin..." "Ma, I'll be fine, okay? I gotta go!"
"How's your day going?" Ian texted me. I was in the middle of this presentation which was too boring. "Fine, I guess. Been having headaches. What about yours?" "Great, but I'm worried about you." "I'm okay, hon. But I miss you. Can't wait to see you. I love you!" "I love you too! Please don't skip meals and don't forget your medicine."
***
"What are we doing here?" I asked Ian as we looking for a bench to sit on at the park. "We're gonna relax. Masyado ka na yata kasing workaholic kaya nagkakasakit ka." We found a perfect spot, just in front of this pond. I rested my head on his shoulder and sighed, "What's wrong, love?" "I'm scared" I said softly. "Of what?" "Of what might happen." "What do you mean?" It took me a while to answer, but I looked him and said, "basta don't leave me, okay?" "If you're not yet ready to tell me, it's fine. But whatever you're feeling right now, just remember that I'm always here. I'm always going to be here for you."
"Ah!" I exclaimed as I felt a sudden jolt in my head. "Shin!" he called. It was hurting so bad, my vision was getting blurry and everything seemed to moving all at once. "Shin!" I hear him call again. I wanted to say something but I couldn't.
When I gained consciousness, I was already in the hospital. I could hear people talking. I then saw Ian and my parents talking. I did not give any indication that I was awake, and they didn't even notice, just so I could listen to their conversation. "Does she really need it?" Ian asked my father. "She does. According to the doctor, it's just going to get worse if she doesn't go through with it." That was it. Ian just sat and I could tell he was crying. "And I thought she won't suffer anymore when she had 2 surgeries after the accident." I was shocked. "WHAT DOES HE KNOW ABOUT MY ACCIDENT? WHAT DOES HE KNOW ABOUT ME?"
Over a year ago, I was involved in a freak accident back in the Philippines. I was on my way back from an out-of-town conference. It was already pretty late and every driver on the expressway just seemed so eager to get home. Suddenly, this car rear-ended my car which caused it to hit the concrete barrier. I cannot remember most of it though. I woke up in a hospital feeling so confused and scared. I could not remember anything, not even my name. The nurses had to sedate me to calm me down. I was calmer when I woke up. Then this lady, who was my mom, just approached me in the most caring manner and I just felt comfortable with her. The doctor said there is very little chance that I'd fully regain my memory. But with the help of my parents, I was able to somehow restart my life. I had to start from the beginning, but hey, it's better than nothing.
"Mom" I called, finally getting their attention. "Shin, how are you feeling?" she asked. "Mom, Dad, can I talk to Ian? Just us two? Please?" There was a brief moment of awkward silence after my parents left the room. I sat up on the bed and Ian helped me without saying a word. I feel like he knew what was coming. He sat on the chair beside the bed. "Shin..." he whispered. "I want you to be honest with me, okay?" I demanded. "Okay" he answered. I looked at him, "who are you exactly? Sino ka ba talaga sa buhay ko? Why do you know about the accident? I did not even tell about that yet."
He sighed, "You were my life, and you still are. We were so in love, and I still am. In 2011, you gave birth to our beautiful daughter, Catalina Grace. In 2012, we went to Greece to celebrate our 7th anniversary, and I proposed to you in Santorini. Then, two weeks before the wedding, you were in a hospital connected to various machines to help you breathe." Hearing this just shattered my heart. I feel sad and sorry and angry all at the same time. We just sat there crying. "Why did you lie to me?" I asked him. "I didn't lie..." "Yes, you did, Ian! YOU DID!" I shouted. "You could've told me from the moment I woke up in that hospital. You were supposed to help me remember." "I didn't lie to you, Shin. I tried. I tried to help you remember who I was. Pero hindi mo naman pwede diktahan yung puso mo, diba? Hindi ko pwedeng sabihin na 'Ako toh, si Ian, yung tatay ng anak mo, yung mahal na mahal mo.' Kasama sa pagkawala ng memorya mo lahat ng pagmamahal mo para sakin, Shin. And I felt that when you've restarted your life without me or Grace in the plan. So I figured na kung hindi mo maalala kung sino ako sa buhay mo, ipapaala ko sayo. Ipapaalala ko sayo yung pagmamahal simula sa simula hanggang sa lumalim ito. I wanted you to fall in love with me the way you did before. Because that was the only for us to start again." "Kung iniisip mo na nagsinungaling ako, fine. Pero yung pagmamahal ko sayo, totoong-totoo yun. Walang nagbago."
