If You Had This Time Again

Time for a Drink

It took much longer than Tony anticipated to remove the Avengers from his penthouse, which was rather ironic given how he had struggled to make them stay and discouraging because despite his efforts to be as discreetly inhospitable as possible, Thor and Bruce still remained at the tower. As did Loki, who was officially in Thor's custody. 

Steve, Natasha, and Clint left for the SHIELD facility after a lengthy debriefing that Tony evaded by offering JARVIS as his proxy, citing the A.I.'s digital archive as more reliable than his memories and explaining that flying a nuke into an wormhole was rather traumatic. He left the room feeling the weight of the Avengers' disbelief and disinterest and distrust on his shoulders, which he shrugged off forcibly because their opinions didn't matter, because what he said was the truth. 

Tony had known, even when he had been eating but not tasting the shawarma, that something was wrong. The vast coldness and empty quietness on the other side of that portal were far worse than the sweltering caves and bloody waters of Afghanistan. He had won against the Ten Rings and emerged as Iron Man, there would be no such victory over the alien armada. Fear had planted itself in Tony's heart, digging its roots deep until every throb of his heart pumped terror through his veins. 

However, admission of his damaged psyche had not necessarily led to acceptance of it. 

Tony had spent the years after New York in a cycle of over-confidence and outright denial. On good days, he had believed he could corral the feral beast hibernating in his mind, to prevent it from tearing him apart. On bad days, he had convinced himself that it was only a problem because he made it into one, and the best course of action was to pretend it didn't exist. Every day, Howard's words, Stark men are made of iron, echoed in his ears more like a threat than an encouragement. 

No more.

Tony scoffed at how much time he had wasted by wishing the panic and anxiety and fear away, addressing the symptoms but not the cause. He had created and invented and built to alleviate the constant scream lodged in his throat, thrashing to be let loose and stealing his breath at unexpected moments, only to end up with more deaths and destruction and damages. A vicious cycle that needed to be broken. Starting with putting some distance between him and his guests. So he excused himself from the debriefing, instructed JARVIS to activate Protocol Goldilocks, and escaped to his lab, which miraculously remained intact. If JARVIS wondered why Tony suddenly seemed less invested in the Avengers' comfort, he kept silent and adjusted the amenities so that none was just right. 

The bots greeted him happily and he basked in their easy affection. DUM-E immediately launched into smoothie-making. Butterfinger found a party hat and presented it proudly with a loud beep. U was attempting to beatbox with little success but great hilarity. It was a surprise when JARVIS announced that Bruce was looking for him. 

"Why?" Tony was baffled. He could count the number of times Bruce sought him out on one hand. Their friendship had mostly followed the pattern of Tony pestering the other scientist until he relented. 

"Dr. Banner expressed concerns for your welfare after your rather dramatic declaration and departure." JARVIS paused, as though he was pondering his next words. It would make other people a bit skittish about artificial intelligence but just made Tony proud. "I share his sentiments, Sir." 

"Fine." Tony sighed. Despite how unbalanced their friendship had ended up being, he still had a soft spot where Bruce was concerned and a bigger soft spot when JARVIS was fretting over him with that stoic warmth he had missed so desperately. "Where is he?"