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Incorrect Lams Quotes 26

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LAURENS207

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John: I almost got surprise adopted yesterday-
Alex: What?
Philip: He almost got kidnapped-
Alex: Oh okay-
Alex: WAIT WHAT-

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Eleanor: So, what is John to you?
Alex: The reason I wake up every morning-
Eleanor: ...that's adorable-
John earlier that morning, barging into Alex's room, smacking pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP-

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John: *reaches for fries on Alex's plate*
Alex: *slams a grocery store divider between them*
John:
Alex:
John: You said you didn't take that-
Alex: And you said you didn't want fries yet here we are-

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Philip, running into the room: HEY-
John: ˢʰʰʰ ᵗʰᵉ ᵈᵒᵍˢ ᵃʳᵉ ˢˡᵉᵉᵖᶦⁿᵍ⁻
Philip: ᵒʰ ᵒᵏᵃʸ⁻
John: ʷʰᵃᵗ'ˢ ᵘᵖ⁻
Philip: ᵗʰᵉ ᵏᶦᵗᶜʰᵉⁿ'ˢ ᵒⁿ ᶠᶦʳᵉ⁻

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Frances: What would you say if I broke my arm-
Alex, about to have a heart attack: Do not!! Do not do that-
Frances:
Frances: What would you say if I broke my arm twenty minutes ago-

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Alex: dRINK THE MEDICINE-
Angie: NO NEVER I'D RATHER THROW UP AGAIN, AT LEAST THAT WOULD TASTE BETTER-
Alex: IT'LL MAKE YOU HEALTHY AGAIN-
Angie: I'LL GET HEALTHY USING MY INDEPENDENT WOMAN ENERGY-
Alex: OH MY GOD YOU DEVIL CHILD JUST DRINK IT-
Angie: SAY NO TO DRUGS KIDS-
[meanwhile]
John: Timmy can you please drink your medicine-
Timmy: Okay-
Alex: whY DID YOU GET THE GOOD ONE-

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John, to all of the kids: Can you all just- be serious for five minutes?
Philip: Our record is three and a half-

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John: Don't eyelashes count as facial hair?
Alex:
Alex: I'm gonna give you one last chance to shut up-

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John: So it turns out a squirrel would need to fall about 4800 miles in order to die because that would give it time to starve to death because they can survive terminal velocity-
Alex: Peaches I am begging you it's 2:30 in the morning-

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John: Y'all make me feel claustrophobic-
Philip: What's that mean?
Alex: It means he's afraid of Santa Clause-
Philip, threateningly: HO HO HO-
Frances: Stop it Flip! You're scaring him!

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Alex: Pst-
Angie:
Alex: Pst!
Angie: Yes Papa?
Alex, jokingly: A little elf told me that this year you're on the naughty list-
Angie:
Angie: Did that elf tell you why?
Alex: I-
Angie: Tell me what the snitch said-

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Alex: When I was-
Alex: A young boy-
Alex: My father-
John: ATE AN ENTIRE LEMON. HE DIDN'T SQUEEZE IT OUT ONTO ANYTHING. HE DIDN'T CUT IT INTO PIECES. HE DIDN'T EVEN TAKE THE SKIN OFF. HE JUST STUFFED THE ENTIRE THING INTO HIS MOUTH AND SWALLOWED. I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING SO HORRIBLE IN MY LIFE-
Alex: To see a marching band-

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John: I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing-
John: *looks at Alex napping on his shoulder*
John: But I know that I'm doing it really really well-