Random

Incorrect Lams Quotes 50

look jully we're halfway to a hundreD-
what a milestone
enjo y-
LAURENS207

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Interviewer: So why did you choose us?
John: Because you're recruiting-
Interviewer: Ok, well what can you bring to this company?
John: A new employee-

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John: Objection your honor!
Alex: What is it?
John: *blows him a kiss*
Alex:
Alex, blushing: OVERRULED

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John: I can haunt you-
Alex: Sure lmao
John: An octopus is just a wet spider-
[later that night]
Alex: *staring at he ceiling and thinking about wet spiders* Fuc k-

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[dating]

Alex: Do you think you'll ever see us as more than friends?
John: I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED I CAN TOTALLY see us as dragons hang on a drew a picture-

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John: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl use the bathroom-
Alex: *sighs* Because the "pee" is silent-
John: No because it's dead-

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Boss: Can I see you in my office?
John, trying to suppress his laughter as he puts on a camo jacket: You can trY-

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[AU where John works at Home Depot]

Boss at the staff meeting: Someone has been breaking all the wood planks, any idea who it is?
John, tightening his green karate belt: Probably someone really strong-

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John: Damn that really hit me in right in the honey nut feelios 😔🤚
Alex:
Alex: What the fuck did you say to me-

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Interviewer: Under skills you wrote "amazing liar"-
John: No I didn't-
Interviewer: Who did then?
John: *turns to camera and lowers sunglasses*

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Alex, walking into the kitchen at 4:30am: John what the fuck are you doing-
John, pouring gatorade into the waffle batter: The lord's work-

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Philip: Is four a lot?
John: Depends on the context-
John: Murders? No-
John: Vegetables? Yes-

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Alex: Are you into adventures?
John: Nah I just like to be in my bed-
John: I'm for the sheets not the streets-

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Alex: I just found out that I'm incredible at escape rooms-
John: You had a panic attack in the corner and they let you out early-
Alex: In record timing too-

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Alex: Wanna go out and do something today?
John: Sorry, unfortunately I'm incredibly busy. Whole day is a full schedule-
John: *sleeps the entire day*

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John: Hey babe wanna hear a batman impression-
Alex: Sure-
John: Oh no! Kryptonite!
Alex: That's superman-
John: Thanks I've been practicing-

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[at Jimmy's funeral]

John: I bet he's looking up at us and smiling right now-
Alex: Looking UP at us?
John: Oh yeah he's in hell for sure-