No Control (Ziall Horlik) AU

Chapter 1

Niall's POV

            "Niall," I heard someone whisper, while running their fingers through my hair. The touch felt so familiar. I slowly opened my eyes hoping I would see Zayn. I was disappointed when I just saw my mum. I felt a lump in my throat and broke down in tears because it's wasn't him. She just gave me a sad smile and wiped the tears that were falling.

          "Do you want to get up and eat something?" She asked me. I shook my head and started sobbing into my pillow.

                "I want him!" I screamed into the pillow. I was in so much pain it was getting me angry because I had no idea how to stop it. I heard her take a deep breath then felt her sit on the bed beside me.

               "It's been five months, Niall, and you haven't told me what happened in that house. I only know the details that the lawyer told me. Can you tell me?" She asked sweetly. I stopped crying and looked at her. She ran her fingers over my cheek and closed her eyes. "Did he- did he touch you? In bad ways?" She asked.

           I didn't really know how to answer her. He did touch me in "bad ways", but I wanted him to. He didn't force me to do anything I didn't want to. He kissed me and told me he loved me while we... did stuff. I liked when he would do it too. He made me feel so good, so loved. But if I told my mum, that she would think he made me do that.

           "Baby, did he do things to you?" She asked me again, but this time I heard worry in her voice. I looked alway from her and took a deep breath.

          "He would call me cute. He really did love me, mum." I looked back to her. She had a look on her face like she wanted me to continue but if I did, it would hurt too much. "He loved me." I chocked out and started crying again.

            She got up and left the room, slamming the door behind her. I even managed to piss my mum off! I feel like everyone in my family hates me now. They don't even talk to me unless they are asking me questions or telling me to do things. They don't understand how hard this is for me. They don't understand that I fell in love with a man that was, literally ripped from me.

             They don't love me anymore. My dad doesn't talk to me anymore because I turned into a "faggot". I don't even know what that word means, but it sounds mean. Even the way he said it sounded like he was going to rip my to shreds with his teeth. I knew he hated me.

            My brother looks at me like I'm a crazy person. He doesn't talk to me without having our mum in the room like he's afraid I'm going to jump him. I don't even know where he gets that idea, because I can't even move out of my bed most the time.

           My mum talks to me, but only for information. She gets mad at me when I don't tell her what she wants to hear. None of my family members even like me anymore. No one does. Not even me.

              Without Zayn in my life, there's no point of living. What's the point of living a life that your family doesn't love you and the love of your life was taken from you? I'm just existing in my room, taking up space. My heart hurts and I don't know if I'm crazy or if I'm just sad. I'm afraid of the thoughts I get sometimes. I'm afraid of this darkness, but I can't get out of it. There is no point in staying here.

             I got out of bed for the first time today and went walked into the bathroom connected to my room. I looked into the mirror and I looked absolutely disgusting. My hair was now blonde again because Greg thought it would make me happy to dye my hair back, but I didn't.

          My hair was a mess, my cheeks were sunken in, I had black bags under my dead looking eyes and I lost so much weight that I looked like a skeleton. Zayn couldn't ever love me looking like this. That's why I have to do this.

            I opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed all the pills I could find out. I dumped one bottle in my hand and threw them into my mouth, swallowing them all. I did the same with the next four bottles.

             Tears were flooding my face as I started to turn on the water to the bathtub. While it was filling up, I stripped off all my clothes and got in the ice cold water. I felt my head start getting dizzy from the pills and something about feeling that made me feel happy. It was almost over. I could be happy again, very soon.

          I let the water cover my body as my eyes started drooping shut. I felt like I was floating away. My body didn't even feel like it was attached to me anymore. The last thing I heard, and could actually make out, was Sam barking. I ignored it though, he'll be happier with me too. Everyone will be.

          The water got up to my face as everything became black. I took one deep breath and pushed my head back onto the tub of water, letting my lungs fill with the cold liquid and darkness coming from the pills take me under.

Zayn's POV

          I don't think I've ever hating being somewhere more than being here. These people keep giving me pills to take that make me feel so loopy. After I take them, I feel numb. But I still can't bring myself to say anything to them. I'm too weak to even get out of bed, but they make me. They make me do so much shit all day that I hate.

          The two things I hate most about this place is the activities time, which is when they make us color or play with blocks so we keep our brains stimulated, and the food. It looks like throw up and tastes every bit of it too.

           That's where I am now. I'm in the huge dinning room where they bring us all to eat at the same time every single damn day. Really it's not a dining room, it's a room with about forty tables, white walls, concrete floors and thirty staff members lining the walls. It looks like we're all in prison, but we're not. The only prison we're all stuck in is the one in our minds.

          I just sat there alone at my table playing with the brown stuff they called soup. Durring this time, some people go talk to others and stuff but no one ever talks to me. They look at me like their trying to figure out what's wrong with me, then they leave. Just like it was back in school. I just sit here alone and think for an hour and thirty minutes.

          I usually think of Niall in this time. But for some strange reason when I thought of him today, it didn't feel the same. It felt like something was missing or wrong. Usually when I think about my Irish boy, I get a happy feeling in my stomach and I just feel so much better. Its like a get away from this hell. Today something was off though. It made me wonder if someone was hurting him or not treating him right. I can't protect him from anything though because these loons think I'm crazy! I hate being told I'm crazy. I'm normal they just refuse to see it. The word crazy echoed through my mind and it was becoming too much for me to handle.

           I dropped my spoon and wrapped my arms around myself, rocking back and forth.

           "I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy." I said trying to convince myself. I knew I wasn't, but they all did. And because they did, I couldn't save Niall from something  that I knew what happening. I could feel it.

          "Mr.Malik, are you feeling okay?" A nurse asked me. I just kept rocking myself in the chair, holding onto my arms.

             "Niall. I'm not crazy. Niall. I'm not crazy." I felt my mind slowly going into a trance as I could only think of Niall and worry about him getting hurt. Only I could protect him, but now I can't. I can't protect the one I love most. I couldn't the day they took him from me and I can't now. I can't do anything right!

           My breathing became rapid and I could get enough air in my lungs. I felt my body trembling with fear because I couldn't breath.

          "We need a relaxant!" I heard someone yell, but to me it sounded like a muffled whisper.

          Before I knew it, I felt a sharp pain jab into my arm, and my body felt weak. I fell to the side into someone's arms as the room spun. My eyes started clouding and my brain felt like mush. My last thought was the only thing I can ever think of. Niall.

A/N: well this is the first chapter! Happy new years eve everyone!I hope yall have fun! Comment / Vote!
                             - Bri;)