The Secret Muse (#1)

Chapter 32

Botticelli has been helping me overcome my fears developed from the traumatic incident I experienced with Giuliano. He'd come by every day and listen to the things that ail me.

He's been very patient. He'd accompany me whenever I want to go outside and in a few weeks, I was starting to feel a lot more comfortable with myself being alone once again.

Despite being better, I decided to keep sewing. Despite my general disinterest in it, I learned that it wouldn't hurt to know more skills while I have the time. As the three of us stayed in the spare room to sew, Semiramide decided she would be creating kerchiefs while Aunt Simona watches her.

I would look up to them from time to time but would mostly focus on the cloak I have been working on for a while now. My progress is slow but effective.

"I cannot wait for Carnivale. I have been looking forward to it since I arrive." Semiramide said as she looks away with dreamy eyes and a smile.

"I expect you and Antonia will have so much fun during the festival. It's such a shame she has missed it last year." Aunt Simona said as she smiles at the young child.

Semiramide's brows creases as she stops sewing. "Why did you miss it?" She said, directing the question towards me.

Caught off guard, I look at Aunt Simona as she eyes me meaningfully. "My travel from England took longer than expected."

Taking in my response, Semiramide nodded. "I have never been to places other than Genoa." She said. "How is it like living in England?"

It was once my home, but now it's simply a distant place that once held many great and bad memories of my past. "It's not that different," I said, oversimplifying it.

"Why did you leave again?" She asks, her kerchief now lying on top of her lap, more interested in our conversation.

"The war of the roses has cost me, my family. Losing my father made me realize about my relatives here and now here I am."

"Spring is my favourite season of the year," Botticelli said as we sit by the banks of Arno. His grin is brighter than usual, in truth, his eyes spark whenever he talks of the things he's passionate about.

"Why spring?" I ask as I look at him with curiosity.

"It connotes life, at least for me. The flowers bloom more elegantly, it's the time for harvest, and it's truly a new year." He paused then looked over my way only to see me nodding with my lips pinched close. "Perhaps this does not appeal to you for I can only imagine the convenience and progression you were used to, but for people who are born in times of simplicity, you can easily find satisfaction in the simplest of things such as spring."

"I may not fully understand how you feel, but 500 years from now, the autumns that I've witnessed are really beautiful. The concrete streets will be riddled with yellow to orange leaves." I said as I look at the river with the picture of England in my head, making me smile. "It's a little colder than spring but warmer than winter. It's the perfect in-between for me."

"That sounds beautiful. I wish I could have seen it for myself." He said. Makes me look at him and wonder if he truly means it. "Do you still worship the same God as we do?" He asks, looking back into my eyes once again.

"Yes and no. Less than 100 years later from today, most British citizens will be converted to Protestants causing a rift in the country. My family remained catholic."

Botticelli then grabs a pebble from the ground and threw it into the river before speaking. "Despite my beliefs, I couldn't help but be fascinated by the Gods of old."

"You mean the Roman Gods and Goddesses?"

"Yes. Sometimes, I would find myself wondering how life was during those times. The statues, the priestesses, everything."

No wonder why he was considered a radical painter. He may not know it right now but his fascination would greatly influence his notable works.

I would love nothing more than to let him know how important he is in history but remembering his words, I prefer to keep it to myself, at least perhaps when it's time.

March 25 marks the Feast of the Annunciation. It is also the celebration of the New Year. After the mass, everyone gathered in the streets to celebrate the new year with music and a parade.

Everyone else seems to be caught in a dance, even Semiramide found herself dancing along with children her age, and I couldn't help but be happy at the sight of her finally becoming the child she's supposed to be. I made her a flower crown as she requested and she looks happy and carefree.

As I watch her from the sidelines, I notice a tall form coming toward me from my peripheral view. When my eyes look upon it, it was Giuliano. He stops a few good meters in front of me, careful not to frighten me. "I only wish to ask for your forgiveness." He said, his eyes, soft and pleading against mine. His hands holding yellow roses across his chest. "I know what I did was inexcusable, I have let myself be overtaken by the influence of alcohol. I do not justify what I had done, and I can only hope you accept this as a chance to prove to you that I am better than the man you once saw that fateful day."

Outstretching his arms towards me, I debate whether I should take it or not. I no longer fear him but I knew what he is capable of. Seeing him in his vulnerable state, opening his emotions for me makes me consider that I should.

After all, he's only human. I have always thought he is the perfect knight I envisioned when I was a child even when he's as flawed as I am. With that in mind, I close the gap between us and took the flowers. "I cannot say that I truly forgive you, but I'm willing to look past what happened and move on." The simple utterance made him smile, but my statement is far from over. "However, you must know that after this day, I do not think it is wise for us to be this close. It would be best if you remain faithful to your fiance."

His smile immediately vanishes as soon as I continued. His brows furrow in disbelief. "She's not my fiance, Antonia. I can never let myself be with someone else apart from you."

"I implore you, Giuliano. Please, you must heed my words." I said, hoping he'd listen.

"I cannot do it. You know I cannot bear to stay away from you. I will do what I can to be with you, I swear to you."

Realizing he wouldn't listen to my warnings, I decided to tell him my fears. "Your mother threatened me." My words were like cold water to his face as he stood silently in front of me with utter disbelief. "I know what you and your family could do and I would dare not to see for myself. I would never risk the people around me that could be implicated in your mother's wrath. So please understand why I'm doing this." I took his silence as an understanding. He knows his mother more than anyone and I'm quite sure he comprehends the situation we now face. "Thank you for the lovely flowers," I said before I left Giuliano standing in place as his head tilts down.