The Secret Muse (#1)

Chapter 30

People who have tried to oppose the Medici met their end in different ways. Sometimes in horrific financial ruin, sometimes in shame but there are some grave cases it ended in blood.

Lucrezia has influenced all over this century and I know better not to poke the bear with a stick. That's why on occasions I see Giuliano in the street, I immediately run away.

I'm no longer scared for my safety and well-being, but Aunt Simona, Semiramide, and my friends would greatly be affected by the wrath of Lucrezia. It has been weeks of running and hiding from Giuliano. The letters began to pile up once again.

Not wanting to be tempted to read any of it, I had Franzia return every single one to him. I'm sure he's going to forget about me eventually.

I heard that Giuliano was sent to Milan this day and I felt relief upon going to church for the Sunday Mass. In this city, every little relief is welcomed. It's quite difficult to feel safe so long as Lucrezia can watch every single move I make outside the house.

It's an unsettling thought but spending some time with Botticelli has proven effective in making me feel safe.

As I wait for my turn for the communion, I smile at the kneeling Botticelli as he prays. Something suddenly caught my attention when I was about to look in front of me. Giuliano's standing form appears by the wall, looking back at me longingly. I immediately look away and focused on the line and look down.

My heart suddenly beats faster in my chest. The unexpected emergence of Giuliano made me feel uneasy. Especially now that as I get closer to receiving the body of Christ, I am also getting closer to the pews of the Medici in front.

Even though Lucrezia is sitting quietly with her family, I couldn't help but feel alarmed.

As the mass ended, I immediately stood up and went towards Botticelli, leaving my Aunt Simona and Semiramide in the process rather abruptly.

As I stood next to Botticelli, I tug on his sleeve and whispered to his ear before he could react. "Help me, please. Giuliano's here."

Upon hearing my plea, Botticelli then looks around the room. When he has his sights on Giuliano, he leans closer to whisper back. "Alright, I'll try to distract him." He then walks towards him as I try to fade into the crowd unnoticed.

I didn't dare to look to see if he was successfully diverting his attention to him than to look for me. All I could think of is that I need to stay away. I know Giuliano deserves better than how I'm treating him, I just couldn't risk everyone else's safety.

After a successful escape without being noticed, I lay down on my bed in relief. It's clear that I'm going to be spending the whole day inside the house again, might as well read some books to pass the time.

As I choose between a few selections of books, I heard a ruckus from downstairs. A few moments later, my door blasted open making me jump in the process.

Giuliano, with his angry eyes, stomp across the room towards me then grab me by the arms and spoke, "Why are you deliberately ignoring me?" I can see so much anger and frustration in his eyes as his nails start to dig into my skin even as I wear a long-sleeved dress. I suddenly smell a whiff of alcohol on his breath. "It's been weeks, I have been waiting patiently! How dare you toy with my feelings, woman."

"Giuliano, please let me go. I'm hurting." I said as calmly as I could.

Despite my plea, his grip remains in my arms. "I could have any woman I desire even so I remain true to my feelings for you and resisted them all. Yet here you are, trifling with my emotions as if I am some common fool." With his strong hands, he threw me on the bed as he grabs my arms and leans on my legs to impede my movements. "I am no fool!" He chanted as he started to force a kiss on me. I try to move away but his other hand cups my face, restricting my every move. When I didn't kiss him back, he started to kiss my neck as I try my best to push him away from me unsuccessfully.

"No! Giuliano stop!" I implored but he wouldn't listen. He continues his relentless advances on me despite telling him no repeatedly. Knowing the horrible thing about to happen to me at the hands of the man I thought I could trust, I started weeping as I give up pleading with him to stop. Up until this point, I thought Giuliano is a knight in shining armour. A man of honour and righteousness. I cannot fathom the events unfolding right before my eyes. It sickens me. My knight in shining armour may have been simply a lecher in disguise. Giuliano has managed to tear my clothes around my chest when he suddenly stops and looks up at my sobbing face. As he realized what he was doing, he immediately stood up as he sees my weak form on the bed. "Forgive me." He said in guilt then leaves in shock.

Laying down with my torn dress, I could barely move or speak even as Franzia and Aunt Simona came in to talk to me. All I could think of is how he looked at me. I saw a man willing to force himself on me and I feel utterly betrayed.

My arms are filled with bruises but it isn't the thing that bothers me the most. Remembering what happens as I take a bath, revolts me to my chore. I know he didn't continue it, but I could never bring myself to feel more frightened for my safety.

I realized that I could never protect myself from anything. Maybe I am really weak. I am useless. Perhaps it's only right that men treat us the way they do in this century.