The fleeting forever

a l o n e

My memory is fading, I don't think I remember what colours look like. When you spend most of your days in darkness you forget what it feels like to be alive. Memories are all you have, you hold on to them. I have secrets, everyone does. Memories that only I get to relive, they are sacred to me.

When I was a kid, my dad, he made me these bunny shaped parathas. I used to sit on the kitchen counter and tell him that my bunny didn't have a nose, then he would make a small nose for it with ketchup. Over time, I stopped caring about the bunny's nose and started saying it only to get that extra serving of ketchup.

My mother, she used to hold me in her sleep, she used to hold me really close to her. I used to hate how she smelt. But I could never get out of her grip. No matter how hard I tried, I used to fall asleep tired every single night.

The first time I kissed a girl was at an overnight camp in my school. She said to me, "give me a kiss, my mum kisses me every night. I won't be able to sleep unless you kiss me." Blood rushed to my face, I told her I can't kiss her. She said, "come on we are friends, it's fine." She was the same person who sent me a meme saying 'true best friends behave like lesbians in love'. I wanted to kiss her. She was my crush for quite a while now. But she was dating someone so I decided to keep my distance. But that night, I gave her a kiss on her cheek and stayed up reliving it over and over again.

These are the secrets I never let out. But it doesn't matter anymore. None of this matters anymore. I have lost everything and everyone. I am all alone.