To Be Alone With You

22. february

CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

FEBRUARY

—

February used to be Kaspian's favourite month.

Now, it was his least favourite month— filled with pure darkness, leaving Kaspian numb, frozen. He felt like a foreigner in his own body, going through his daily motions without any semblance of emotions or feelings.

"Yeah, so my mom was being all racist and shit, as usual, which I honestly don't get. How can you be an Indian living in the United States, and then continue to be racist?"

Shaking her head, Zahra sighed, replying to Atreya's statement. "I don't even fucking get it anymore. Like, people are so fucking close-minded about everything. When I first told my parents that I wanted to convert from Islam to Christianity, they threatened to fucking kick me out of the house and shit. Bad times. And like... I respect— and love— their religion, so I don't know why they couldn't respect mine! But I'm really glad they've opened themselves up more though, they're trying."

Stella pouted. "Some people can be so fucking stupid sometimes, it's genuinely ridiculous."

"Honestly!" Atreya exclaimed. "And the worst part is, my mom thinks she's right, so she doesn't bother to listen to anyone else's opinions. She tries to force her mindset down my throat, and it's so fucking frustrating. She nearly fucking slapped me the other day just because I corrected her when she said something homophobic."

Kaspian felt himself snap back into the conversation. "She slapped you?"

"No, she nearly did," Atreya corrected, taking a bite of his sandwich.

Rowan's eyes narrowed. "That's still not okay, what the fuck?"

Atreya laughed sourly. "Yeah, I know. But slapping your children, or abusing them in general is really normalised in Indian culture. Every culture, to be honest, but my mom's super orthodox, so nothing progressive is accepted, and if you're progressive, you're automatically trashed on. So, it's not really seen as abuse, it's just seen as discipline when they slap you and shit. Does that make sense? Like, they threaten to beat their kids up or whatever, and then they laugh it off, and say it's a joke."

North sniffed, causing the group to immediately look in their direction. "Sorry, sorry! It's just— it makes me sad that some of y'all have such fucking shitty parents, and you can't do anything about it now, because we're still in school and shit. I'm officially your parent."

Cooing softly, Stella leaned over and pinched North's cheeks.

Kaspian redirected his focus back to his lunch, the hollowness in his chest making him feel too nauseous to even think about eating.

I was fine just two days ago. How can one shitty thing that happened in this month make my mood take a whole fucking dip?

"Hey." Rowan placed a hand on Kaspian's knee, causing him to jerk away involuntarily, his touch burning into his skin. "Sorry, I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

It's February. She died in February. My brain is working at a pace that's too fast for me to keep up. I can't handle this.

"I'm good," Kaspian stated convincingly, giving Rowan a forced smile. "Just thinking about a test I have today."

Rowan nodded, convinced by Kaspian's answer. "What test?"

"Uh, it's just—" Kaspian was cut off, thankful for the person who called him. He didn't want to answer his question, because he definitely didn't want to keep lying to Rowan. He wouldn't remember his lies if asked about it later.