Ziva David is home

Shalom

"Tony, you are so..."
"Handsome? Funny? What?"
"Loved"
They kissed as she quietly slipped her necklace into Tony's pocket.

Ziva was in tears while watching Tony walking away to board the plane. But she thought she has to do this, alone. To start all over again. To honour Gibbs.

It's funny how Israel was her first thought. She has reasoned it with herself, it's different here. She grew up here. Now, she's the only David who is alive. It will be so much easier for her to leave her life behind.

In a sense, she is grateful for her father, Eli. Eli has taken it upon himself to clean up the residue Ziva had left behind when she quit Mossad. Eli death has also left Ziva with numerous safe houses, incredible wealth and surprisingly, peace. Maybe not so surprising.

How things change in 4 years.

Eli has not been her father for the 4 years. Although he tried to make amends before his death, his primary purpose to the US was not to make amends.

A small part of Ziva still hopes Eli has loved her. Now, she can only guess.

After watching the plane take off, Ziva still stood at the tarmac staring at the empty space where the plane once was. It feels like the plane's take-off seems to be taking off a part of her soul at the same time. Too late for regrets.

She had flashbacks on their final farewell yesterday. They had been in bed all day, doing nothing but make love to each other, again and again. None of them wants it to end, but the earth doesn't stop moving for them.

A part of her is grateful that Tony found her. She had peace for a few weeks but not enough time to sort through her thoughts when Tony knocked on her door. Her past had come to haunt her, only this time intertwined with childhood memories. Most of the time, it's unfavourable.

Tony's interruption was a surprise. She had not expected anyone to find her, not that fast anyways. With Gibbs still under investigation and the trio had resigned, she thought it would take time until Gibbs reinstatement if there is any miracle. But well, Tony always found her.

Ziva smiled at the memory when Saleem took off her hood in Somalia. The green eyes were staring right through her soul. His real DiNozzo smile reserved especially for people who matter, like her. Not the flirty smile he gave to the other girls.

It's the same smile he gave to her when she opened the door a few weeks ago. Her heart skipped a beat and went on beating like crazy.

She smiled at the thought when she asked Tony why he is there. It's the same answer he told her in Somalia, 'couldn't live without you, I guess'

Her best and worst decision is that she invited him in. They had been watching movies and talking all days. The post-elevator them had lead them to uncharted territories.

One day, while they were halfway watching Titanic, Tony suddenly confess his love for her. Typical DiNozzo style. She was taken aback. Although Tony gave her time to process and told her that he would be waiting for her to be ready, fighting for her. Through her messed up thoughts, one thing stood out loud and clear, her love for Tony.

Her smile grew wider at this memory. They kissed when she had told him that she loves him too. It was the best kiss ever. Correction, the kiss got better and better each time they kissed. They were basking in their safe love cocoon for a week until yesterday. Tony had to be home, to DC. He had tried to persuade Ziva to go back with him.

It was then Ziva remembered her mission when she first bought the ticket to Tel Aviv. She needs to do this alone. It is the only thing Tony deserves. Although he doesn't understand, she is not ready to love him fully when inside her is a hurricane. He deserves so much more than the many pieces of baggage she carried. She needs to let them go, find herself before she can be with him.

He offered to stay. But she couldn't let him do that for her. He is born a cop. He will get bored staying at home doing nothing with her. She needs to do this alone, it's her only mission to save herself.

One thing led to another, they ended up making love through the wee hours in the morning. As though holding on to each other because none of them willingly want to let go.

"Maybe it's for the best. I need to lose myself to find out who I am, yes? Shalom Tony" Ziva whispers to the empty air.

A gush of night wind blows to her suddenly. She shivers, not sure whether it is from the cold or the lack of human heat with her.

She sigh. Shook her head. Wiped away her dried-up tears. Grab her jacket tighter, turned away and walked to her car.