broken,lost and ripped apart

mental hospital

Marcy's P.O.V

Today was the day that my dad would drag me to the mall and try to spend time with me.Don't get me wrong I love my dad.But he just try's to hard to be around me.What ever at least we get to go to the mall.Im just gonna spend the whole time a hot topic.Even though my dad hates that store.

We've been here since 10:00 am and now it's 1:00 pm.Im super hungry and I want to leave the mall.I ask my dad politely if we can leave.He said yes and he asked if I wanted to go get food.I wanted to go home for food.I don't think we have anything.And if we did its gone because Michael has been home alone.

We ended up going to a cafe.I had fish and chips and my dad had some type of sandwich.When we where done he suggested we go to the cinema.I accepted his offer even though I wanted to go home.I ended up not even watching the movie because I was texting Michael.

When we got home it was late.When the film ended it was around dinner so of course me and my dad went out.We finally get home and Michael isn't in the kitchen.So he's upstairs in his room.

I decide to go check on him since I haven't seen him all day.Of course he's playing video games.

"Don't you ever get tired of playing video games?"i questioned him because he's playing 24/7

He didn't even answer he just brushed off the question.I know one way to get him to answer me and that's playing with his hair.He's a sucker for it.I play with his hair when I want things from him.

I jumped up on his bed and sat right behind him.He started sitting back.But then he started going even farther back to the point where he was shushing me to death by his weight.I think I'm annoying him.Whatever his problem.

I think I'm done being round his room because it smells and he's not being fun so I'm leaving.Im in a cuddling mod though.Oh we have a blanket that I love to cuddle.I wonder where it is."Mike do you know where that cuddle blanket is?"

"um yeah I think it's in the um guest room."he said unsure of what he was saying.

"Okay I'm gonna go get it".i replied shaking him off me so I can get up.

"Oh wait no don't go in there"He said hat rather loud and he sounded nervous.

Okay well looks like I'm not getting the blanket then.Why is Michael being so weird.Maybe he knows something I don't.Whatever it's probably not my business.

I'm really bored today and I'm in the mood to write.To make things clear I am not some weird poetry geek.I write songs.I also play guitar.Music is one of he only things that keep me sane.With out it I would already be in a mental hospital.

I sit down on my bed and open my songbook.Its black and I took the liberty to decorate it.I did not put any sparkles or pink things.I simply put the words "don't fucking open"In bold large letters.But everyone opens it anyway.

I'm in a shit mood so I'm gonna write a sappy slow song.I guess I can think of Luke.He was the one making me feel this way.Im just gonna start writing.

I've been working for about 4 hours and I've finished the song it's goes like this.

Don't talk,let me think over
How we gonna fix this?
How we gonna undo all the pain?
Tell me,is it even worth it?
Looking through a straight line
Taking back the time we can't replace

All the crossed wires
Just making is tired
Is it to late to bring us back life?

When I close my eyes and try to sleep
I fall apart,Im fighting hard to breathe
You're the reason ,the. only reason
Even though my dizzy head is numb,
I swear my heart is never giving up
You're the reason,the only reason

I feel you burning under my skin
I swear I see you shining
brighter than the flame inside your
eyes

Bitter words spoken
Everything broken
Is it to late to bring us back to life?

Oh,oh,oh ,only reason,the only reason
Oh,oh,oh,only reason,the only reason

Don't talk,let me think it over
How we gonna fix this?
How we gonna undo all the pain?

When I close my eyes and try to sleep
I fall apart,I'm fighting hard to breathe
You're the reason,the only reason
Even though my dizzy head is numb
I swear my heart is never giving up
You're the reason,the only reason

When I close my eyes and try to sleep
I fall apart,Im fighting hard to breathe
You're the reason,the only reason
Even though my dizzy head is numb
I swear my heart is never giving up
You're the reason,the only reason

I'm actually surprised how good it is.Even if it's about Luke.I'm still really proud of it.I just hope he doesn't see this book or I'm screwed.

What should I call the song?I guess I'm gonna call it "the only reason".It makes sense.Luke's the only reason I'm still alive.But he was the only reason I didn't want to be alive.

Do I want to be with Luke?Of course I do.But he just makes me feel horrible.What level do I want to be at with Luke.Friends?Girlfriend?And as much as I don't want to say it.Friends with benefits?I just need to sleep on it.

I woke up by someone who I think is Michael holding my wrist.Michael knows I cut but he never said anything to my dad.Which I'm glad because then I would be in a mental hospital for sure.

"Michael is that you"?

"yeah it's me"

And at that moment I knew it wasn't Michael it's was Luke.Michael sounds different.Wait if it's Luke I can tell him how I feel without actually telling him.I just have to act like I don't know it's him.

"Why are you here,isn't it night?"

"Um well you were talking in your sleep so I though you were having a nightmare".

"thanks Mikey.Can I tell you something?"

"yeah sure you can tell me anything"

"Well here goes nothing....I'm in love with Luke.

"I love you too.I-I mean he loves you too."

"Lucas Hemmings you are the worst actor in the world".

"I'm not acting I really do love you."

Wow Luke does really love me.And the best part is I love him.

"Mars would it be wrong if I kissed you right now".

I couldn't even answer.He was holding my cheeks in his hands and we were kissing.Maybe I need to go to the mental hospital because right now

I'm going crazy