just give me a reason | f. torres

Reason 3

"Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend. Somewhere along in the bitterness, and I would have stayed up with you all night."

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200914

Dear Nando,

You made your first appearance in the Milan shirt today, coming on with only 14 more minutes to go and I just want you to know that I'm so happy for you. Even though you're not here with me, but miles away in another country, wearing a jersey that isn't blue, I'm just so ёбаный (YO-ba-neey -> fucking) happy for you. Because you look happy Nando, I've seen a lot of photos of you, and on some of them you actually smile, it's not a real smile through your eyes, but it's still a smile, and it's more than it was while you were playing for Chelsea. So I'm happy for you, I really am.

Though I wish that I could say the same about me... I'm not happy Nando, but I swear I am trying. It's just that I'm not succeeding, because without you "Unhappy is a nice word" as Mou once said, and it's true. I'm more than unhappy without you.

Remember where we first met? At that old pub in the corner of an empty street. I went back there yesterday and it's still the same. Sad and broken people who are trying to drink their sorrows away just like you and I did when we first met, and just like I do now. Though it's not helping, because this time there ain't no you to talk to, so I just sit there and drink glass after glass, trying to forget about you. But I don't, and I can't. Because you were probably the best thing that ever happened to me and it's sad because I was just your lover, someone you could go to after a fight with your wife.

But you were so much more to me than that Nando, you were someone I loved and cared for deeply, and I will probably always do so. But you were more than that as well Nando, you were my friend, someone I could spill my heart out to and know that my secrets would be safe there.

So reason number three to why you should have stayed is simply because you are my best friend Nando, and I need you in my life. I don't have a lot of friends, I'm kind of a loner, but you changed that when you came into my life. You made me feel like I belonged somewhere, like someone actually liked my company. And then you presented me to your teammates, as a friend of course, and I slowly gained some other friends than you.

I still in contact with some of them, and I met up with Cesar last week, it's just that it isn't the same without you. You were my first real friend Nando, someone I could laugh, cry with, and someone could tell my deepest secrets to, and it was a relief to do so to be honest. I never had someone to talk to before you entered my life, and when you left, I realized how important it was for me to have a friend.

So I can't believe that I did let you go, that I did let you slip out of my grasp when I had you. I lost a friend Nando, when you left. No, I lost best friend when you left, and it's haunting me. It's haunting me that I have no one to talk to anymore, no one to laugh with when I'm happy, no shoulder to cry on when I'm sad.

So please come back Nando, I miss my best friend.

Love, always, Le

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I'm sick at the moment but I forced myself to write even though my brain is a mess right now. Thank you for reading, I love your comments and votes <3 

Dedicated to Leila because she's a Culé like me and a superb writer and super sweet <3 Go and check her stories out ! xx Liza