Locker Love Notes (DISCONTINUED)

Picking fights- Chapter 5

What makes him tick? What makes him so violent? Why can't I just know whats happening behind those cold eyes?...Why did I want to know so bad. 

It felt like roses had begun growing inside of my lungs, to put it bluntly. It stung, but I was...I'm falling. Deeper. Deeper. What the hell is going on? He was beyond my reach. So far above me in every way possible. I was getting stepped on, and it was by his own boot. So why do I want him so badly? Every insult, every injury, everything was just past tense. This feeling had only gotten stronger after weeks had passed of our silent truce. 

Hold him. Hold him. Hold him. Slow your life down. Slow your healing process down. Just to let this boy crash into your life like waves, and gut you from top to toe. 

His eyes are holy, but his tongue is a snake's. His fist made of solid steel before, but now had the gentleness of an angel whenever his fingers brushed against mine. 

Murdoc cawed at me softly, as if to snap me out of my daze, which I did as I turned to his cage.  He looked back at me with a curious nature, then went back to hopping around gleefully. This made me smile a bit, and I grabbed another match out of the box. I struck it against the box and clenched a cigarette between my teeth with gentleness. 

My whole body was in pain still, which made me want to down the whole bottle of ibuprofen and call it a day, but Josh wouldn't let me of course. I leaned near the open window and blew smoke out of it, watching a car speed down my street. It shocked me a bit, the loudness of the engine. I looked at the truck bed in curiosity. A few boys sat in the back, whooping and hollering loudly over the noise, with various cups and bottles in their hands. I flicked the ashes from my cigarette, cocking an eyebrow at this, and watching the car continue driving. It looked familiar to me, but my brain couldn't exactly place from where I had seen it before. 

I turned away from the window and back to the algebra homework I had started about thirty minutes ago. The page was mostly blank, making me sigh at myself. I closed my textbook in discontent. Maybe I'm just set up for failure. I set those things aside for the time being and spun in my desk chair with boredom. Josh would've usually hung out with me, but she was on vacation, and my dad was working the night shift tonight. 

I popped my neck as I decided I was hungry. Surely dad's girlfriend couldn't hear me make a bowl of cereal or something. I got to my feet, opening my door and treading downstairs quietly. She seemed to have fallen asleep while watching T.V. which made me thank Satan before slipping into the dark kitchen. I flicked on the light and started to make my bowl of cereal.

My movements were slow and cautious. I thought I was almost in the clear. It slipped through my hands, I swear it did. But that wasn't going to save my ass now. The bowl careened to the ground with a loud clatter, the glass pieces smashing everywhere. I almost pissed my pants as I heard the sound of my moms footsteps and angry cursing. 

 Blood from my brow dripped down, making my eyes water. I took off walking down the sidewalk, clutching my forehead as I went. There's no way I was gonna go back home. At least not right now. Where was dad when I needed him? I sighed heavily, thinking about any stores open that I wasn't banned from. I had about twenty dollars in my shoe, which would be enough for bandages and some water at the very least. 

I continued, avoiding eye contact with worried looking passerby's as I went, wiping off the blood onto my pants every now and then. My phone shook in my hands rapidly which made it hard to look for some nearby stores, but thankfully I eventually landed on one. It was in the bad side of town but I wasn't gonna sit here and bleed out or get an infection. I clicked open the directions. My pocket knife was cold against my palm but brought me some security as I walked over the cracked sidewalk and litter.