In the Dark

TW; LONG WINTER MONTHS

The winter was always the worst. I moved in with him in the Summer and although we fought and screamed and cried— it was nothing compared to what was to come.

This is when his dad and him stopped working.His dad was his foreman. This meant most days he would tell me he was at work all day. He would be out drinking and fishing.

He told me he was a virgin. He even went to the extent of telling me "If I wasn't a virgin don't you think I would've gotten you to do it yet?" (I was a virgin. He was my VERY first boyfriend and kiss. I had never even talked to a boy romantically before him. Maybe this is why I was so easily manipulated.)

Until I seen the messages..

It took four months into the relationship for me to lose my virginity. I told him I wanted to be a little high so it didn't hurt as bad, this resulted in him giving me weed to smoke. Every. Single. Day. And if I said no he would just keep pressuring into me to smoke. And somehow he made it seem not that bad. So I did.

He had had sex with 3 other girls before me. 2 have kids now. He was 14 and having sex wth 17-19 year olds. And he never admitted it even when I showed him and asked. How can you not admit to something when i'm showing the messages where he asked if the sex was good?

After I lost my virginity to him it was crazy. He wanted to have sex at least once a day. and if I said no he would get mad, saying it wasn't fair that he had a boner and that it hurt. So I would. He never waited for me to cum, or even tried to make me cum half of the time because "it was too hard." He couldn't even get me wet somtimes as he was too rough doing any fore play and when I told him this or moved his hand away he would get angry and stop and scream and make me feel like shit.

If he could feel I was dry and in pain he would sometimes ask if I wanted him to stop. But if I said yes he would get mad, go into the bathroom and jerk off to pictures of girls he use to date. Or would look ay porn and "sex kijiji" and stupid websites like that.

I didn't want to feel worthless, which is exactly how I felt when he did this. So I would just lay there and let him...

Winter months were always the worst. He had seasonal depression, bipolar disorder, ADD and ADHD. He had a bad childhood. His dad went to jail. His mom left his dad for his dads sisters husband. He didn't know how to treat girls.

None of these were valid reasons as to why he treated me so poorly.