UNBROKEN

FIFTIETH INSTALMENT

We got in the car and took the short drive to Mum's. Mum was a little surprised to see us but as always she took Ava and hugged her tight then missed my cheek and said hi to Grant. We spoke for ages and Grant pleaded his case. Not so much to Mum but to me. Mum looked at me and said "Emily it's only for a couple of years sweetheart, then you will be back by that time Jay would be long gone and you could live a life without worry". I had tears in my eyes that I would not let fall. I wouldn't speak up because I didn't really know how. Maybe what they were sawing was actually the best thing for Ava and I. We stayed for dinner then we went back to our house.

The move was organised quickly. We only had 3 weeks left in this town then we were off to the other side of the country. We were driving there so it was going to take a week. Grant said "it will be like a holiday". I was not so sure but as the days passed I tried looking for the light that was being drowned out by the clouds. I started to get a little excited. I new life maybe this is exactly what we needed. I had Grant and Ava so I would be fine.

The day before we left we had a removalist come and pack up our house ready to go. That night we stayed in a hotel. I had a cat "silvester" that I had to give away as he wouldn't travel well. The time had come to leave this house. Ava was put in her car seat, silvester was in a box ready to take to my friends house and our bags for the long trip were placed in the boot. As we were driving Silvester to his new home he pee'd in the box and it got all over the back seat. Well let me tell you the smell of male cat urine is discussing and if you have a male cat you will know this smell all to well. We had to wind the windows down in the car as it was so strong I was going to be sick. We pulled in to a service station and Grant ran in and got some Nil Odour. He put it in the air conditioning vents and trend them on high. That smell and silvester it one did not mix it made the car smell worst. Oh well nothing we could do now. We eventually dropped off Silvester and I cried as he had also been a protector. I have spoken much of what he got up to but in my book I will, he was a character.

When we first drove in to the hotel driveway Grant said to me "what this Emily, this is going to make you laugh". We all got out of the car and a valet came over to us. "Would you like me to park your car for you" he asked every so nicely. I looked at Grant knowing what that car smelt like and was a little embarrassed when I heard Grant say "of course, thanks for that" we turned to watch as this young guy got in the drivers side door and went to put the keys in to start the engine. He wound the windows down and started coughing. The poor guy it really did stink and I beat you a million he wasn't expecting that smell. When he started the car he looked over at us and there were tears in his eyes. I lost it completely and started laughing the heartiest belly laugh I had ever done, tears rolled down my face and I couldn't stop. It was so hard I almost pee'd myself and my belly really did hurt as I want h him disappear underground in to the parking bays. We turned and walked inside.

The hotel was so very beautiful. I had never really stayed in a place so nice. I was a little embarrassed I wasn't dressed up and wearing makeup. Grant however looked like he was right at home. He got the keys to the room and ensures everything was ready for us. As soon as we got to the room I wanted to call Mum and Barry and get them over. I knew I wouldn't see them for such a long time and my heart was being torn in two.

Mum arrived with Barry and we all went and had a meal. Mum held Ava the entire time. "You look after my girls" she warned Grant. He promised he would. We didn't talk all that much during dinner. We had to head out really early the next morning so this was to be the last time I saw Mum or Barry for years as I didn't think at the time about holidays. We got back to the hotel. Mum and Barry came in for a short time then they had to leave. "I'll miss you sweetheart but I will just be a call away and you can come back on holidays any time" she said with tears rolling down her cheek. I couldn't hold the tears back. My heart started to race and it felt like it was going to break out of my chest. I was aching inside my throat started to burn and close up and my chest was sore. This is what it feels like when you are heart broken, well it does for me anyway. Tears were rolling down my face and I felt they would never stop. I was huffing trying to breath and talk. "Mum, I don't want to go!" I was begging her in my head to tell me to stay but she didn't. "You'll be fine sweetheart, you a wife now and Grant will look after you and Ava" she held me for so long, I didn't want to let her go. Ava started crying "Nanny, No go Nanny" Barry picked her up. Ava didn't realise we were going for a long time. It she knew something was happening. "Bar No go Bar" she said to Barry through her own little tears. Well at this stage my heart felt like it had exploded as I hated seeing Ava upset. "Uncle Bar will see you soon Ava you be good for Mummy and Daddy" he said as he kissed her head. Barry didn't cry but this pulled on his heart strings and a single tear came down his cheek. Barry walked over and by this stage he was quiet a bit taller than me "I love you Sis, I'll see you soon" he said softly but firmly. He knew how long we would be gone and I think it was hurting him also as I had never been that far away from him before and we were so very close but he was going to be strong for Mum and me right at this moment. "You look after Mum and yourself and I love you too" I gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Come on Mar we have to go" Barry said as he put his arm around her shoulders. Grant put his arm around mine at the same time. "I love you Mum" I yelled after her. " I love you too sweetheart, take care of my girls" were her final words as she got in to the lift. I turned around and Grant pulled me in to his chest as I sunk down. ( I have a lump on my throat as I write this and tears rolling down my cheeks).

I grabbed Ava and held her and tried to calm her down as she was crying out for Nanny and Bar. I realised I needed to pull myself together and be strong for her. I finally got her to sleep a few hours later.

I walked in to the room where Grant and I were staying and he just wanted to have sex. I did not feel like this at all. My heart was breaking. I thought to myself what is it with men and wanting to have sex all the time can't they just hold you. We had sex or I should say he did as I was crying the entire time. Not out loud and not so he could see but I was as I really just wanted to be held.....