Feeling Until Numbness- A collection of metaphorical rants

addiction.

 She sat on the grey leather couch staring at her screens, thinking about how she would meet you one day. You're dark tufts of hair were always in her mind, porcelain skin, crystal blue eyes. She found you when she craved blood and agony, and in return you gave her humor and enlightenment to a world that needed more perspective. 

There were others, yes, and she couldn't be more grateful for them to share their experiences, but they never helped her feel found. They helped her release the numbness in her body, but not like you. You gave her a sense of amusement, and she couldn't get enough.

Her mind obsessed over more content, more laughter to come from her lips, instead of the cries and screams they gave her. You were heroin being injected into her bloodstream, and she wasn't able to get enough, the more she would watch or listen, the more she needed. 

Instead of being stuck in this bubble of misery, she found it was easier to be apathetic and laugh at the world as some big prank that God was pulling on everyone; she didn't let herself be caught in her own thoughts about how death would serve her better, she wouldn't let herself be consumed by the urges and craving anymore, and you helped. You gave her the light at the end of the tunnel. 

You could've catered or relieved her mania, she was able to forget about her issues with him, forget about how he would compare her to others, who she knew she'd never become, but would continually fuck with her head, as anxiety would make her believe she could turn into that monster. You relieved that pain. You made it easier to live through a sense of heartbreak despite knowing nothing about love; you helped that sense of wanting in her soul; wanting to know what even an ounce of happiness or enjoyment was, and you handed it to her on a silver platter. 

 She still felt emotions of despair, anyone would in those kind of situations, where she dealt with isolation, and the demons around her, nothing could stop those emotions, but instead of the toxic negativity overcoming her mind, she found an escape in you, she found herself able to release stress, with your whimsical anecdotes, and that saved her life. 

 You have no idea what you'd done, you don't even know about her existence, but you have seeped into my mind, you have become a part of her conscience, and it has made all of the difference. You've given her optimism and given her hope unlike they did with their voices that'd sing to her "you're not alone," unlike them you've given her relief instead of grief. 

 She got that ounce of insight into the world of comedy, and ounce she started she couldn't stop. She wasn't able to get you out of her head. She wasn't able to stop this addiction. She couldn't let herself go back to the person she used to be, she never thought of you as someone who would save her soul, but it happened, and she couldn't go back, the emotions she felt wouldn't go away, but she got some savior for her sanity, something they'd never be able to give her. 

 She found an addiction that could help her cope, you are that addiction. She couldn't get enough laughter, and found herself immersed in humor and became a person who wanted to become someone who could do what you did to her, she could do to other people. The thoughts compelled her into thinking that humor was a simple thing, but also a complex thought that couldn't be described well. 

 Everyone had their own thoughts, their own experiences that they could find humorous, but in the end it's all the same, we are all humans, we all have different personalities, but we all have similar experiences within our lives, and instead of seeing hell as a place on earth, some people like you and her have found that it is easier to laugh. 

At the end of everything that she found troubling, that she found to bring out her negativity, laughter was always the best medicine; laughter made her forget, laughter didn't make her resort to a razor or toxic liquids she found under cabinets, laughter kept her sane, and the laughter you gave her made all the difference.