[discountinued]

teaching feelings

It was a nice image, buried deep inside his mind.
As he gaze upon a blur picture, but looks so familiar...

He stood in between, smiling happily, holding two large hands lovingly.

It was a struck, when he stared to white surface. As the sound heart breaking echo faintly, losing someone so dearly.

He lived his life depending on words.

When the gap opened within his heart, he trusted their words strongly.

Two wills to live, two sentences to depend.

"I'll be right back... Sooner than you think... "

As the sound of collapsing, crushing stones shakes the static.
From the distance, he could hear someone chanting his name... As he finding the voice, his eyes meet the bright light.

"Tom! Tom! " as he opened his eyes, sweat rolling down his face, his vision cleared as a beautiful grey eyes stared through him, he panted softly.

"Thank goodness you're still there, I was worried when you look uncomfortable in your sleep" Tord sighed, the lamp are lit, and looking to his face, he's seems tired and needed more rest.

Tom didn't reply and stunned, sweat covering his face, hard to breath, and his chest are throbbing. Tord slides off the bed and wipe off Tom's sweat "I'll be right back... " as he step forward, Tom catches his hands, trembling "Wait! " he meet his eyes again "What's the matter? " lips trembling, trying to find words "S-Stay? "Tord smiled and gently let go of his hand "Don't be ridiculous, I'm always here" as he patted his chest, heart spot.

"I'll bring some water for you " Tom watched him leave and sighed deeply, his chest are still throbbing hard and it's hard to calm down.

"You shouldn't worry too much" as he look up again, he stared to his face, glass in his trembling hand, he gulped down the liquid. Catching breaths, as if he's being suffocated. Silence stayed a while "Are you completely alright now? " Tom gaze on him before placing glass on the nightstand "Yes.. " Tord sat beside him and hold his head firmly before slowly putting his head on his lap "W-What? " Tom look up to him "Shhh, I'm your counselor for today, so relax and listen to my voice... "His tone was smooth and soothing, as muscles slowed and he relaxed a bit.

He could feel a gentle stroke on his brown hair, and sooth voice that softly fill his ears "You should've told me if something weighing your mind, Tom.. "Tom gulped his own saliva "It's nothing "Tord eyes kept watching " Is that the whole truth? "Tom didn't reply "It's unnecessary " a soft chuckle rang "If you hold it for too long, you don't even notice that the truth are already brought to light... "Silence filled the atmosphere.

"I don't feel like thinking about it right now"Tom voice turned silent "Will it not harm you? " Crap... Right at the spot. He stayed silent "That... I don't know " even though he can barely hear his voice, he knew that he was hurting "Talk to me" he caress and stares to his void eyes, he turned his face to sideways, cutting off the eye contact "I'm afraid... Seeing it all over again... "Tears formed at edge of his eyes as the touch never stopped comforting.

"Afraid of seeing what? " Tom swallowed his own saliva, thinking about it tire him.

"Afraid of seeing my nightmare over and over again... "As he feel his tears drips, he instantly wipe them "Your nightmare? " Tord paused his movement "When I was a kid, I would think words are something I should keep until I get older. I believed in certain promises, I believed in important people in my life..." He paused "Go on, I'm listening" as he snapped his thought "I never thought losing someone that I believed so much, and words they left for me to believe until now... Would hurt me slowly... "He sobbed silently "As if it asking me to let go of the past that slowly turned into a poison "

"You are someone... Truly dear to me... "

Tord continue stroking and smile warmly "Fear of abandonment, I know that feeling" Tom look at him "How come? " Tord let a sigh "You believed strongly toward people who opened your shell, it's like accepting new people in your life. You chose to believe in their words, whether the truth or lies. But when they slowly disappear from your life, you lost your way, you lost a big important piece that covering the gap in your life. When the touch is gone, words can lose some meaning, when they are repeated over and over again. You fear to lose someone that told and hold words you strongly believed. Does that hit something? "

Tom sighed "It's like a will to live... "

"You still carried it even until now "Tord movement become slow "You should know the difference between a honey and poison" as he felt the weigh on his thighs slowly fade, he glanced at Tom, tears prickling at edge of his eyes "Is it okay to let go of words that completely are what you're living for? It's same as the will to live... "Tord smiled widely and wipe his tears "Its always fine to give up on something you hold for too long, something new will come to save you" His void eyes stared through, in curiousity "I don't understand "

"I'll give you something new, you'll start to hold"

He gripped his hand as he look deep inside his void, shallow eyes

"Right now, I want you to clear your mind and... "

"Think about me, Tom"

His whole world paused.

Can't even mutter a single words.

Furrowed brows formed, speechless. Processing the words, seems hard to pick for the right one.

"You, I have to keep" He looked down "Do you get it now? You still have me" Tord let go of his hand slowly before hugging him tightly, he whispered "To let go of a past, you have to cherish something in your present" Tom hugged him back, thinking "It's like, you are my will to live? " Tord lay his head on his shoulder "What else would you live for? " Tom broke the hug and touch his cheek lightly "I think, maybe I'll live for you even... " he dropped his hand and look down "Someday I lost my will to live... "

Tord gripped his shoulder "I couldn't promise that. However you can still hold my words, I will be delighted if you can still walk forward, without or with a will. " Tom looked up to him "I don't know if I can do that " Tord smiled sweetly and make an eye contact "If the trust are strong, then nothing can overcome your strength"

Tom didn't reply. He still lost in thought.

"I hope you'll think through after this" Tord pat his shoulder "We can continue this tommorow, it's almost midnight" Tom didn't even move a flinch. Tord smirked and leaned closer "Now is not time to think" as he kissed him deeply, he wrap his arms around his shoulders, balancing, his heart squeals as the reaction from other are finally shown.

He pull out and lick his dripping saliva "So you finally awake eh" he smirked, Tom rub the back of his neck "Im sorry for spacing out" Tord push his chest lightly to lay him down, he stroke his hair again "It's time to rest our mind, kjær" Tom watched him turning off the light as he felt a warm hands holding his hands.

Infront of him, a face of man he loved, smiling even in the dark.

"Goodnight, Tom. Sweet dreams"

He embraced him. He feel so safe around him.

"Thank you, Tord"