Billie and Brandon: Unpredictable Circumstances

30

Billie's very existence was a curse.

She broke things, made everyone's lives worse. She was trouble walking on two legs and she would be damned if she let anyone else experience hardships because of her. She'd already managed to wreck her mom's life, and Nova was also in the hospital too because Billie was inadequate as a mother.

Mr. Adams had been an asshole, yes. But he had definitely been right about one thing:

She would only drag Brandon down.

Billie sat down on the edge of the bed, resting her aching limbs and turned to Brandon, waiting patiently as he rubbed the back of his neck in the doorway, clearly deliberating whether or not he should sit beside her. He hesitated, briefly tightened his grip around Woody's arm, and then he walked over to her, settling beside her. There was a fair bit of space between them, but Billie made to attempts to close the distance.

They sat there silently for a moment, awkwardly staring out the window at the city's buildings in the distance, neither knowing quite how to start the conversation they needed to have, neither knowing what to say to break the unease that had settled between them. There was so much to say, and Billie wasn't even sure where to begin. Brandon was fidgeting with Woody's red bowtie, his inability to remain still an obvious sign to his discomfort.

"You uh...You brought Woody."

"Yeah."

"So you were going to see Jellybean, I take it?" Billie asked, fiddling with her hospital robe and glancing at him.

"I was" Brandon turned his gaze to her, and Billie's breath almost hitched in her chest from the heated gleam in the hazel. She quickly averted her gaze once again, "I made a promise to always be there for Jellybean, Billie. And I wasn't. I can never forgive myself for that. I was gone for so many days in her life because I couldn't get my act together."

Billie nodded, understanding that feeling all too well. She had done the same to their baby girl. She'd been so caught up in her own problems and life that she had forgotten the most important thing, first and foremost, was that she had to take care of the baby she'd given birth to. That as a mother, it was her duty to put her life second to her child's. But she had put herself first. And that was unforgivable.

"I saw Woody under my bed when I was looking for something." Brandon continued. "And I realised I had forgotten about Jellybean. I made a terrible mistake. I neglected her, and I'm supposed to be her father. What kind of fucked up father forgets about the baby that was brought into a strange new world before she was ready? I know she has to be scared out of her mind. I know she's probably terrified, and she didn't have either of us supporting her. And then I realised that, I knew I had to come back."

"...Why did it take you so long?" Billie muttered crossly, if only because she wanted to lash out.

She wanted to latch onto some of her anger, but Brandon sounded so apologetic and remorseful and disgusted with himself that she knew the lingering irritation with him had pretty much dissipated. Billie had a feeling he might have had the same fears she did about seeing Nova alone. But deep down, she knew she wasn't asking about Jellybean.

Honestly, Billie was asking why he hadn't come back to her sooner. She was asking why she wasn't important enough for him to deem someone he would have to come to quickly.

"I was going to go see Jellybean all these days. I wanted to, but I lost my nerve and got scared. I couldn't do it without you. And I couldn't go see her without you because we're supposed to see our baby together. We made her together. It didn't feel right for me to go by myself, especially when I felt so guilty. And that's when I knew I had to see you no matter what, Billie. Even if you rejected me."