𝐍𝐎 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 | Hwang Hyunjin

*6*

But I didn't really care, about this feeling either, it only lastet one short moment, it was gone very fast.

I just had this anger growing inside of me, it just needed to get out.

"Exactly", I simply answered, without any emotions.

"You know what? Maybe I should have stayed away from your friend. But she was the one who came to me. She begged me. I told her, that it would only be for one night, but she said that was okay. She didn't even told me her name. And than she acts all broken the next day and I'm the bad guy. She knew exactly, that it would be only for once. But why am I still explaining, you wouldn't believe it either way. I'm the cold hearted here, I'm the jerk, as usual."

I looked up from my food now, I saw him in the eyes.

There wasn't a single emotion in my eyes, just this cold stare.

He starred back into my eyes.

It was so weird.

It was like his gaze was so deep but so empty at the same time.

I didn't say anything.

I didn't know what to say, again.

I didn't know what do do at all.

I just sat there, staring into his eyes.

But then He stood up, breaking the eye contact.

"I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know what you did to me, but I actually tought you were really cool and I actually started liking you. But I should've never even tried it."

He paused a little bit and looked back into my eyes.

I didn't knew that he thought that good about me.

I thought, that that was just some weird kink that he had, that I did not wanted to get fucked by him the moment we were by ourselves.

But it seemed to be more.

He sighed, when I didn't responded anything.

"Don't try to talk to me, it breaks me just to see you", he simply said and without any more words, he left the cafe.

I wanted to stop him, but I couldn't.

My body just couldn't move and I couldn't say anything.

I was frozen.

When I heard the door closing, I knew that it was too late, he was gone.

And I started feeling bad.

I wanted to apologize.

I was really hard to him, I didn't even let him a chance to talk to me.

He was just this bad guy in my head and it was like I didn't even wanted it to change.
It's like I wanted him to keep this bad boy image and not even give him a chance to prove that he's better than that.

His words were repeated again and again in my head.

This can't be true.
He must be lying.
Like, with the thing about Hani.

She would never do that.
She's smarter than that.

He just said that, because he wanted to look better in this situation, I guess.
He didn't wanted to look like this jerk, even tho he is.

Or did he actually tell the truth? Maybe I shouldn't been so cold to him.

He actually cared about me. And nobody ever cared for me. Except for my mom.

And at that moment, the guilt hits me like really bad.

What if he actually tried to be better with me?
I couldn't knew that, I just didn't let him even try. He was so nice and he didn't let go of me, even after I rejected him.

And without noticing, I got really sad.

Why do I even care so much?

He's just irrelevant for me, I shouldn't let him in my life anyways, so it don't make a difference if he isn't there now. But why am I still so sad? I hated him anyways, he's a dick.

But I was the one who acted like a dick.

He was so nice chill yesterday night, I actually enjoyed it. He was carrying, he even brought me to bed.

And I was just mean.

I acted like a bitch. And like a five year old.

Tears began to run into me eyes.

Why do I get so sad? Because of that stupid boy?
I can't start crying because of him now. He's not important to me.

We literally started taking 24 hours ago and we had like 4 conversations.

But we just felt bonded.
No, that's not true.
I shouldn't get to attached to people that fast, that never ends good.

~~~~~