Kelsey
Quiet, I went to the music room which holds our usual band practice almost everyday. No one's here. I sighed as I went over the acoustic guitar Lucas always plays with during breaks. Lucas is our rhythm guitarist, by the way.
I let myself play various chords not really knowing what song I would want to play. I barely know how to play any Michael Jackson song in a guitar and besides I don't know how to play other musical instruments.
I left the group moments ago since the girls wanted to buy clothes for Connor's party on Friday. I wasn't in the mood to go and waste money right now and I don't really enjoy shopping for dresses as much as they do so I politely declined their offer and told them that I have a lot to wear to the party. They were reluctant but let me go anyway.
Suddenly, memories of Fatima came rushing inside my head making it spin a little, completely feeling bad to why the tragic accident happened to her just a couple of years ago. I was to blame anyway, nobody else is. Several scars from my wrists came to view as I adjusted the guitar from my body. A sigh escaped my lips knowing fully that my mother is right about me needing therapy sessions once again but being the stubborn one, as always, I deny it.
A sad reality flashed before my eyes. I'm going down with this phobia or whatever it is that the psychotherapist diagnosed and there's nothing to pull me away from it. I can't help myself blame me instead of that stupid-ass driver who was driving under the influence of drugs while it's heavily raining outside. That night still hunting me down... Charles wasn't even responsible for this.
The next thing I knew, I was drowning in tears clutching onto my chest finding it hard to breathe. I was in no way calming myself down anytime soon as I have another episode without anybody noticing. The fact that I was alone in this area was relaxing for me to let out all the pent-up frustrations inside my head.
Fatima was our eldest sibling, but our parents treated her as the youngest. Me and Maxine weren't jealous of it knowing why we have to protect her too much. She's the most fragile among all of us that's why she was the one who got petitioned first. She lived with our parents ever since we were all young, not that she's around my age just like Max. She's quite older than the two of us because my parents were a lit--- okay they're too scared that the next kid would be like her but turned out we weren't as physically malfunctioned as her.
She was the best sister anyone could ever have. Much better than Maxine by the way. Max is still childish so I won't be very shocked with the ways she respond to things. Although we grew up to be far from each other, physically, our parents try to send us here every vacation just so we could be together.
Living far from each other wasn't the worst thing I've experienced. I could live with the distance. But watching your sister while life leaves her body was more than torture especially when you know you were the reason why she was in that situation from the first place.
I heard someone outside and I quickly fixed myself to look presentable. Well, I look stupid, crazy and messed up right now so I tried to calm myself down before that certain someone enters the room. And in a very vulnerable state isn't something I want people to see me in. It'd be a burden for me.
"Hey, you're here." I greeted Bigi once he entered the room. Yes, he's the one outside. Funny how he isn't really that noisy most of the time.
"Yeah... Gotta finish some of the lyrics and homework." He said and I just nodded as he walks around the room to his desk at the front where he always sits whenever we have a practice.
"Uhm. B?" His eyes look at me as soon as I called his nickname.
"Yeah?" I looked away for a second not really sure if I could ask him if he had seen me breakdown just minutes ago but decided not to because even though he had seen me in that state, it's not like he'd go around Buckley and tell students that I cried inside the Music Room because he's not that type of person.
"Can I see the lyrics?" I asked changing the topic into something I'd feel comfortable with.
"It's not that much, but okay." He said and he handed me his notes but I laughed as soon as I got the notebook from his hand. He looked at me as if I was a lunatic and immediately felt offended and snatched the notebook from my hand.
"I was asking for the lyrics not the homework from History Class, besides we have different teachers for that subject." I said still giggling and his face got red in an instant and the next thing we knew, we're now laughing nonstop with what he did.
He handed me another notebook and I had to ask him again if it was the correct notebook and he was about to hit the back of my head but I dodged it.
The lyrics were still simple. The rhymes were in the right places. I am not really sure about the accompaniment since it was the rest of the band's job to discuss it once the lyrics are done. I sat on the table with him and helped him with the lyrics and he puts it somewhere and rearranged the others. I looked at him for a second and then smiled.
Anyone who'd be with him in the future would be very lucky. He isn't really the best since he has flaws but what's great about Bigi is that he accepts them in any ways that he can. Something I can never do.
"Stop staring, you might fall for me." He joked and I scoffed at him. Soon after he gave me a teasing look but I rolled my eyes at him and we chuckled and as soon as his eyes went back to the desk where the lyrics are, a sad smile crept up onto my lips.
I might have had already... But sadly I can't. I don't wanna hurt anyone anymore.
