2 | Regret - (E. Hunt)

there would be history between us two

Ethan,

Please don't do this.

We still belong together.

My heart aches.

The wounds on my body have healed, but my heart hasn't. They ache for my babies. For my little Finn and my little Marianne. For my Delia.

My heart aches.

And I fear that it will for the rest of my life. Because there is no getting them back.

My heart aches.

And the only one who can ease it is nowhere to be seen. He is hiding with his grief. And with his regret.

My heart is aching for him. I'm scared for him. I'm still in love with him. I don't want the regret to drown him. It wasn't his fault. He didn't plant the bomb. He didn't press the trigger. He hadn't killed my children.

I knew that. Everyone knew that. He knew that. The difference was, that he chose to ignore it. To believe that it was all his fault. To believe that the screams that haunt us at night we're because of him.

He was lying. Again. But this time to himself.

And I had no way of helping him this time. He was somewhere far from me. I was here, sitting with Remy as she clung to life by a thread.

I was alone tonight. As I had been for the last couple months. Ethan had only stayed for a week before he took another mission. He left me alone.

But I still love him.

My heart aches.

But I still love him.

My family, my world, is gone. But I still love him.

I'm alone. I'm praying for my child to wake up. I'm sleeping with a gun under my pillow. But I still love him.

I regret leaving in a rush. I regret not letting Finn and Marianne skipping to the car. I regret not singing at the top of my lungs with Delia. I regret not saying "I love you" once more before the timer ran out.

But I don't regret loving Ethan Hunt. I don't regret marrying him. I don't regret having babies with him. I don't regret the months I spent missing him. I don't regret the days we spent apart.

I could never regret him.