The Winged

3- Nothing To Fear

"You're right. I really am sorry." Aspen leant against the wall between our two slots, crossing his arms.
"They make me so angry." He said softly. "All of them. The Elder, the rest of the Captains. They're such... such cowards." He scuffed his heel against the floor, "This is such a joke. Do you really not understand why they always send you out there?"
I said nothing.
Aspen crossed his arms again. "It's because you never object to it." Every word was heavy with emotion. "I don't understand—  why, Azure? Why do you always do this? This isn't your responsibility, he has no right to send you out there. You don't have to go. Don't go. The scouts hate it when you leave, even my mum hates it! Weren't you just saying about how I worry her? Yet you're the one who's always going out there, totally on your own..."
"Am I worrying her, or you?" I echoed his own words back.
He blinked, caught on whether to laugh or not. He decided on the latter. "Don't go." For the hundredth time. Then cautiously added, "If Rosin was here-"
"Stop." I snapped. "Don't."

He gave a low sigh when I stood up from the floor, "I'm sorry. I just... I can't believe that you'd actually go there. Don't you understand how dangerous that tribe is? What if something happens to you, Zuri?"
He stood up. The underneath of his eyes was damp, I saw.
"Az..." I touched his wrist, "I know you're worried, but you shouldn't even be up here. You have work to do. Let me leave with some peace, please?"
He caught my face when I tried to look away. Though he shook his head— saying no, he wouldn't go, and neither should I— there was no stopping me. I think that he understood that. So instead of more pointless protests, he snatched me into a suffocating hug.

"Aspen-" I protested.
"I'll come." The softness of his voice shut me up. Aspen was not a quiet person. He was not... gentle like this. Yet his voice was like wind when he murmured, "If you're too stubborn to say no, whatever it is, let me go with you."
And for one, dangerous moment, I started to wind my arms around his back.

I pushed him away, "You're so dramatic. It's a day's round trip, it's nothing. I'll be fine."
Didn't he know that he was making it harder to leave? Just seeing him standing there and sniffing was breaking my heart in two... the boy that was usually sparking with energy, reduced to tears because I was leaving.
Buried at the bottom of my conscience, deep in the pit of my stomach, I was already dreading the journey. Out of all of the creatures in the forest, out of every living thing I had come across, from foxes to birds to fish, humans were beginning to scare me the most. Why was everyone so distressed by them? All the stories about them... all the deaths that they caused...
They stomped around, destroying things unknowingly and killing whatever they pleased. I was still sure that nothing, nothing should be as big as them. Supposedly, they were just like us. Only bigger. I knitted my hands together. Much, much bigger.

I was becoming privately afraid of going to the Burrow, and Aspen wasn't making it easier.

I hastily pulled on my helmet. Shoving my hair up into it, I then ripped down the black visor. I wasn't sure I wouldn't be able to leave if I stayed any longer.
"Bye, Az. I'll be back soon." I managed in a cheery tone that was a complete and utter lie.
"Won't you just stay here?" Beautiful green eyes peered into me, even through the visor. Aspen's voice became so hesitant before he asked, "For me?"
That almost broke my resolve.
For him. Won't you stay for him, for Aspen? He wants to keep you safe. Won't you at least let him come with you? Let him come with you— if something happens, he'll be with you and you won't be alone. You want him to come. Admit it. You're scared.

I gave him an indifferent wave as I stepped backwards. Shut up. Thank gods for the visor. Had he been able to see my fear, my misgivings about leaving— above all else my affection for him— he might have continued his attempts to get me to stay. And he would have succeeded.
He took my wrist just as I walked away, "If you aren't back by tonight, I'll come looking for you, you hear me?"
"Don't be ridiculous, you'll do no such thing."
"Azure," he protested, "Promise me you'll be back, please. Or I'll worry all day."
I gave him one last look through the visor. What had I ever done to deserve a friend like him?
"Promise. I'll meet you here around ten, no later than eleven."
He nodded whilst fixedly staring at me. I was sure he could see my eyes through the visor.
"No later than eleven." The boy repeated. He held my wrist tight, "If you aren't back by then, I'll look for you. Promise me you'll be back."
I couldn't bear any more promises. I ripped my wrist out of his hand marched towards the outside of the cavern. His voice melted my legs when he called my name in a panicked tone.
I didn't look back.