affluenza (1.) | ✔️

Okay Days

        "But it didn't matter. It didn't matter because he got off easy and I couldn't...I couldn't love my body anymore," Sebastian says, holding a hand over his mouth. "When I admitted to myself that I was into guys, well, that just about did it. I felt guilty, almost. Like it was wrong because—"

        I shake my head. "Stop. You couldn't control that anymore than somebody can control the sky being blue. There's nothing for you to feel guilty about."

        He smiles sadly at me. "When Nathaniel and I slept together, the next morning all I could think of was Mackintosh's hands all over me. And I wanted nothing to do with it. I wanted it gone. I wanted to be straight, I wanted to be normal, and I never wanted to have another guy touch me like that ever again.

        "And then you and I became...well, you and I," he whispers. "I knew it'd come to this at some point. I thought I'd be able to but...all I can think of is him, Braylen. I want to be able to be like that with you. But I just don't know how."

        "Hey," I whisper, bringing his hand up to my lips. "It's okay, Sebastian." I wipe a stray strand of hair from his forehead. "You are normal, okay? You went through something terrible and I know it hurts but it does not make you any less you. And you don't have to worry about me. I completely understand and I'm fine with waiting. I'm not going anywhere. I lo—"

        I cut myself off and he raises an eyebrow at me. I smile sheepishly and bring my arms around him again. "Thank you for feeling safe enough to be honest with me," I whisper into his skin. "Do you want to go to home?"

        He brings his arms up to embrace me, digging his nails into my back. "I already am."

€

I run my fingernail over Sebastian's bare chest, smiling up at him. "Okay, what number was that?"

He squints up at the ceiling. "82?"

I shake my head, laughing. "You're not even trying anymore!"

"In my defense, it's three in the morning," he argues back. We'd spent the past four hours talking in bed and watching as the moon rose higher into the black sky. I couldn't remember a time I'd felt so at peace. I was exhausted but I was willing to stay up as long as I could, just to keep looking at his face. "Are you scared?"

        "Of?" I prompt, watching as my fingers glide over his smooth skin.

        He sighs softly. "Of putting yourself in this situation with Aaron. What if he catches you?"

        I roll my eyes. We'd nearly gone 24 hours without mentioning him. "He won't. I'm a good actor."

        "I find that hard to believe because you are an awful liar," he says, placing a playful kiss on my head.

        I balk. "Look, he won't find out. And don't even bother trying to talk me out of going to do this; I want to help and this is how."

        He sighs angrily and I can feel him tense up. Biting my lip, I try to diffuse the situation. "Hey, you wanna know what I was thinking about earlier?"

        "When?" he murmurs, running his long fingers through my hair.

        "When we were kissing," I say and he nods. "I was thinking about our future together."

        Some of the tension dissolves. "Our future?" he muses.

        "Yeah. I was thinking we could have a house on the beach, like yours. Assuming we stay in Malibu, which I think we should. And maybe we could have a dog."