Hurt Me Harder (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Collateral Damage

You straightened your back and inhaled, the air rattling on the way into your lungs as it dawned on you that you were alone once more, maybe for the last time. You stared at him and he stared back, both of you silent, resilient, close and yet farther apart than you'd ever been before.

He was the first one to speak. "I've decided to vacate my home in Back Bay."

"Really."

"Yes."

"Are you moving from Boston?"

"No. I'll still be in the city, but I've decided that a change in scenery might be good for me. I'm tired of being reminded of my mother and father everywhere I look."

"That's a real shame," you responded, hoping the judgement was as plain in your face as it was in your voice. You remembered suddenly another confusing part from your conversation with the woman at the gala; she'd said Kylo had done something to his father. Everything had seemed all well and good after the fact, the details slipping your mind. Now, they seemed to be pounding at your skull.

"I wouldn't expect you to understand."

"You shouldn't, since you failed so spectacularly in telling me about them."

"Well, I guess it wasn't any of your business."

"I guess it wasn't," you responded icily. You felt your face contorted into an enraged grimace. You couldn't imagine it looked very pretty, but you could hardly care less about what Kylo thought of you at this point. He was a monster in your eyes. What did in matter what you were in his? "So, you're selling it? All because you're mad at your parents? You're just going to give up your father's house?"

"I'm not selling it." His brows lifted just barely. "I'm just vacating for the time being."

"Right. I forgot you're made of money. Kind of makes it harder to feel sorry for you," you scoffed, turning to go. You could feel this conversation sucking the lifeforce out of your bones. You had no desire to stay and talk with him if this would be the last memory imprinted on your brain of Kylo Ren. You'd hoped your story would have a happier ending. The opposite was proving to be true, so why prolong what was too agonizing to endure?

Kylo was silent for a moment. He stared at you with the same impenetrably stony gaze that you recognized so well, that you felt you'd been seeing for all your life. But you'd only known Kylo had existed for three years. And really, he'd been in your life so little, in retrospect. So how could he possibly have the effect on you that he did? His jaw tensed. You watched the muscle tighten, a vein under his skin bulging slightly before he relaxed. Your heart tripping, you caught his eyes. They softened slightly, narrowed, and he furrowed his brow. Now, he looked at you with an almost inquisitive curiosity. You felt like a bug under a microscope in comparison to him.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" he asked.

Was that supposed to be a fucking joke? "I'm sure you can imagine why."

"I can imagine a lot of things," Kylo muttered, "But I'd rather hear it from you."

You sighed heavily through slightly flared nostrils, your lips a tightly shut line. "Because I don't want to see you," you told him curtly. "I don't want to see you, or speak to you, or listen to your voice. It...it's so tiresome trying to exist under your influence, and I'd like to get my life back under control. And you're leaving, so it finally can. I just want everything to be as it was before."

You'd said more than you'd expected to before you'd started speaking. You stood strongly before him, jaw set, eyes wide and honest. You didn't falter or back down. What you wanted was for him to leave you alone...under the circumstances. That much was true— because he was really leaving, and because he didn't love you back. You wanted to forget him, because these were the circumstances you were given.