The Huntress

Chapter 29

With those last words I set my pen down, my hand shaking. Those seven words bouncing around in my head over and over I need to find a way out.

I didn't want to leave my father, I didn't want to abandon these people, but I also knew I couldn't just stand there and watch them tear lives apart anymore.

I couldn't let them force me on any more hunts. I couldn't keep killing things when I had no idea if they really were bad or not. I felt the first trickle of guilt come over me for the first time when I thought about all the lives I had ended without asking a single question.

How could Jared possibly put up with me when he knew that too? He knew I couldn't count the number of times I'd pulled the trigger, sunk my dagger or stake into someone's heart. I'd even held it up to him.

My heart ached. It physically ached in that moment. I knew Jared shouldn't look past all the things I'd done, and yet, that's what he was doing. I started to really see how wrong I had been, how wrong all of us were.

The pain I was feeling right then was too much, and I felt hot tears start streaming down my face, splattering onto the pages below. I closed the journal and pulled my knees up, curling up on myself. I wondered where that stone cold girl had gone. It seemed like ever since Jared had walked into her life she'd slowly started thawing out into this one that was rocking back and forth, tears staining her cheeks.

I wanted her back. I craved the indifference she had toward all of this; I wanted the confusion that I was feeling to stop, to just go back to the way I had been before.

There was a soft knock at my door that I didn't hear, and a moment later someone stepped through the door.

"Jag-Electra, what's wrong?"

The use of my first name was what made me look up. No one here used it except for instructors, but I knew they wouldn't be coming into my room.

I tried wiping the tears away when I saw Durin. I couldn't believe it was already seven, but when I looked at my clock, it was.

"Nothing," I choked out, trying to hold back the sobs that were threatening to make their way out.

He sat down next to me and I could see the worry creasing his brows. He knew that something was wrong. People didn't just cry for nothing, there was always a reason. Now whether the person would admit what the reason was, was a completely different story.

I couldn't admit it though; there was no way I could tell him. He was a founding family member, and he was one of them. I couldn't tell him what I had been thinking.

You're a secondary member, Electra. Just because someone in their family had those feelings all those years ago when The Organization was formed doesn't mean that he still believes in them now.

"Hey Electra, you can tell me."

His gentle words brought out another round of tears. I thought I was going to break if I didn't tell someone what was going through my mind, and a piece of paper was no longer sufficient enough.

"I don't know what to do, Trevor." I should have slapped myself for using his name. I knew I wasn't supposed to; he was a founding family member and I was a secondary. It didn't matter the setting, I shouldn't be using his first name there.

But I had.

And he didn't seem to get upset by it at all. In fact, he pulled me toward him, wrapping his arms around me. I didn't have the energy to look into his motives at the moment. I was too busy trying to deal with the war inside me, and what I should say, if I said anything at all.

Durin grabbed the journal in my lap and set it off to the side as he pulled me closer. For a brief moment I thanked myself for having the good taste in getting just a plain old journal instead of something that said diary or something girly like that. It just looked like a regular but fancy notebook instead of something I kept my darkest secrets in.

Durin's hand ran through my hair and his voice murmured near my ear trying to sooth me. He was trying to calm me down, to get me to talk to him.

My tears started to dry up, and the sobs that had been shaking me slowed down. I couldn't believe how worked up I'd gotten from one little phone call from one person whom I hadn't even known that long. The way he'd already started to completely change the way I saw things was scary.

"See, it's all okay. Now what's going on?"

Durin didn't mock me; he didn't make any hints that I was weak because I was crying. He didn't do anything but wait it out, trying to help me calm down. And now that I was calm, I knew he would be curious.

"I just-I just don't know what I'm doing."

"What do you mean?"

I needed to approach this cautiously. I couldn't say anything wrong, especially not after he'd told me what went on with those who strayed from The Organization's path.

"Have you ever wondered if you were doing the right thing?" I asked with real curiosity. I needed to find out where he stood and just how much information I could trust him with. I wanted to be able to trust Durin, I really did, but trusting another hunter could be deadly.

"Everyday," he murmured.

"Like what?"

"Well, everything. I'm an extremely analytical person. Have to think things over three times to see if I'm doing something right," he said jokingly.

"That's not what I'm talking about," I mumbled.

I just couldn't take the leap in trusting him, especially not while I was there.

"Really though Durin, I'm fine." I sat up and brushed the last remnants of my tears away.

"So we're back to formalities are we, Jaeger?" He asked with a teasing elbow to my side.

"Yup, and now I think it's time we go and get your butt kicked by little ol' me." I forced the grin, but after a moment it almost felt genuine. Durin really did have a way of making me forget the problems I was facing. Though he was part of those problems, everyone here was. They were all a part of what I was trying to figure out.

"Oh Little Jaguar, you really think you can take me down?"

"I've done it before, I know I can do it again," I retorted, buffing my nails on my shirt.

He just gave me a goofy looking grin and we made our way out to the mat.

********************

So a little mental breakdown there. She just has to make it through one more week of nothing but hunter central and she's home free... Well, as free as she can be be.

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~Red