Bleeding out

7

Thomas entered Newt's hospital room with dread in his chest. Going to the hospital wasn't fun anymore. He was terrified that Newt would be gone the next time he came and he could barely sleep while being home. It had been calm for two days now. Not really anything new had happened. But Newt was getting weaker, he slept almost through the entire day and he barely ate. They often had to force feed him. 

"Hey Newt," Thomas said when he saw the blond boy sitting on his bed. The brown eyes were almost half closed and if the giant pile of pillows were supporting his back the boy would've fallen down on top of the mattress. 

"Hi Tommy," Newt whispered and tried to smile but it just looked like a deranged grimace. 

"How are you feeling?" Thomas asked. Even though all he wanted to do was to hug Newt until all of his problems went away he still had to be professional. 

"I'm okay...just tired," Newt had answered that every single time Thomas had asked him. He knew that he was lying and that everything was not okay, everything was not fine! But the blonde refused to tell him what was really going on inside of his head. When the medication kicked in the hallucinations came more and more rare but instead it gave Newt a horrible headache. 

Thomas sighed and sat down beside Newt on the bed. "Newt..I-" 

"Tommy,I'm scared," Newt interrupted him. His voice were shaking and when Thomas looked up he could see tears pooling in his eyes. " I don't wanna go to stage four. I don't- I don't wanna die," Thomas saw how a single tear made it's way down the blonde boy's cheek and Thomas swore that he felt his heart break again. 

"You won't die," he said and pulled Newt close to his chest, embracing him in a warm hug. "You hear me? I promise you that I won't let you die," 

"You can't make such a promise,"  Newt sobbed, his head buried into Thomas's shoulder. Newt's arms were still lying still but Thomas knew that he was too exhausted to lift them up. 

"Yes I can," Thomas said and pulled away from the hug. He cupped Newts face in his hands. "And I just did," 

"We both know that you cant," Newt shook his head. "In probably just a week from now I'll be dead," Thomas swallowed. He didn't want to hear Newt say these word but he knew that they were true. Thomas couldn't promise that he could save Newt, not without a cure. Not without any better help than just medications. All they did was to make his death easier. Thomas dropped his hands from Newts cheeks but kept on looking at his face. The sharp jawline and those deep brown eyes looked perfect to Thomas. Everything on Newt's face looked perfect to Thomas. 

"Tommy?" Newt whispered. He parted his lips slowly and Thomas blushed. He tore his gaze away from the blond and blinked. He looked down at the white bed sheets. He knew that he had to tell Newt.

"Newt?" he said without meeting the other boys eyes. '

"yes?" 

"I like you," Thomas whispered and looked back up. "And I know that I probably shouldn't tell you this but I won't be able to live with myself if I don't," Newt stared at him with wide eyes. "Newt I...uhm...I think I'm in love with you," The whole world stopped. Thomas swore that he could feel his own heart beating its way out of his chest. 

"Tommy..."Newt whispered, his voice barely audible. "No...please no. You can¨'t be in love with me," he sounded desperate, like he was pleading. Thomas swore that he regretted every part of his life at that exact moment. Of course Newt didn't feel the same about him. How could he have been so stupid? 

"I'm sorry," Thomas whispered. "Of course you don't have these feelings too, I don't know what I was thinking. I'm gonna go now," he stood up from the bed, refusing to look at Newt. 

"Tommy, no!" Newt cried out and grabbed the brunettes wrist. "Of course I have the same feeling. But you can't have them as well!" Thomas turned around to look at the boy. He had tears streaming down his cheeks and his small frame was shaking 

"What.?" Thomas didn't know what to do. 

"Tommy I'm going to die!" Newt said, his voice way too steady than it should be. "I am going to die and it's bad enough that Sonya will be devastated but I can't hurt you too. Tell me that you're joking...please," 

Thomas just kept on staring at the blonde haired boy. Newt was in love with him as well. He was in love with Thomas. But he was going to die...Thomas didn't know what to think anymore. He wanted to be together with Newt but the boy would die, and Thomas had no idea of how to handle the grief when that day came. Would it be easier loving Newt or just to lose him as a friend? They could never go on a real date, they could never spend their days together outside of the hospital. But was it worth these last couple of days to just love Newt? To spend each and every moment with him and make sure that he would die happy, die with someone who loved him? Yes, yes it was worth it. 

Without thinking Thomas leaned forward, grabbed Newts jaw and connected their lips. The kiss was soft but filled with passion. Thomas swear he was flying when Newt kissed him back. In those moments Thomas forgot everything. He forgot about the flare, about death, about grief. All he knew was Newts lips on his. But eventually even that moment ended. Newt pulled away from the kiss, his eyes red and puffy and tears rolling down his pale cheeks. Thomas quickly pulled the boy towards him an hugged him. 

"You'll be okay," the brown haired boy whispered into his ears. "I promise you that you'll be okay," In that moment all Newt could do was to hope that Thomas was right. 

In the end, he knew that Thomas wasn't. 

A/N

I know that this is kind of a shitty chapter but it'll get better in the next! Please leave a a comment of what you think of this chapter :)