Reunion

The excuse

They walked in silence to Harry's hotel. Louis still held the napkin against his bleeding nose. Harry showed him inside his room and motioned for him to sit on the bed while he went to the bathroom to get a wet cloth. He took a deep breath before he came back and walked over to Louis.
"Let me see."

Louis lowered his hand and showed Harry his nose. The bleeding had almost stopped.
"It doesn't look like it's broken." Harry said after examining it. He started to wipe away the blood carefully.

"Some right hook he had there." Louis smirked.

"I never told him to hit you. I'm sorry about that." Harry apologized.

Louis shrugged his shoulders.
"I had it coming."

They locked eyes again and Louis gripped Harry's wrist lightly.
"I think the bleeding has stopped. Please sit down."  

Harry gulped but took a seat next to Louis on the bed.
"What did you want to talk about?"

"Right, ehm, I owe you an explanation. First of all, I want to apologize. I'm so fucking sorry for the way I treated you. I wish I could go back and do it differently. I know that an apology from me means shit but I'm truly sorry Harry." Louis said with teary eyes.

"Go on." Harry forced himself to sound cold.

Louis sighed and pushed his fringe to the side. He glanced at Harry.
"I want to make it crystal clear that I was in love with you back then. I still am, to be honest."

Harry flew up from the bed.
"What? Are you serious? That doesn't make any fucking sense!" He shouted upset.

"I know! Fuck, I know Harry! Just let me explain. I know it won't justify what I did but please sit down again so I can explain. Please."

Harry gave Louis a pensive glare but he sat down on the bed again and waited for Louis to continue.
"Ehm, so my dad is really homophobic. For as long as I can remember he always told me how disgusting and wrong it was and that no homos would ever set a foot in his house." 

Harry stared at him.
"I'm so sorry Lou. I'm sure he'll come around. You're his son and he loves you." He said sympathetically.

Louis let out a dry chuckle.
"He doesn't. He hates my guts but we'll get to that later. So, I kind of fell in love with you a few weeks after we first met. You're incredible Harry but I was terrified. I couldn't be in love with another guy. My dad would hate me. I was young and insecure and I refused to acknowledge those feelings at first. I pushed them away. I dreamt about kissing you, Harry. That's when I came up with that stupid tequila plan. I thought I could just kiss you once and get it out of my system and blame it on the alcohol. It didn't really work." Louis said with a sad smirk.

Harry didn't respond so Louis continued.
"But it wasn't enough obviously. I so desperately wanted to be close to you that I convinced myself that as long as I didn't touch you or let you touch me I could get away with it. I could look my dad in the eyes and say that I wasn't gay. I was so stupid but ya, scared."

"That's...we had sex, Lou. If that doesn't scream gay I don't know what." Harry answered quietly.

"I know it's not logical. I was so in love with you and I wanted to be that close to you so I told myself that it didn't count as long as I didn't touch you and vice versa and as long as I didn't let you have sex with me it was okay. I wanted to! I wanted to touch you and let you touch me and I wanted you to make love to me so badly. I cried myself to sleep almost every night." Louis said and sighed. Tears were rolling down his cheeks.

"Lou...why didn't you tell me this back then? I would have understood." Harry answered softly.

"Because if I said it out loud I had to come in terms with my own sexuality and that scared me. I just couldn't." Louis answered.

He dried away his tears before he continued.
"I'm so sorry I did that to you. Then you gave me an ultimatum and I realized that I had to be brave for once. I wanted to be in a real relationship with you but you deserved to be treated right so I knew that I had to tell my dad first so I wouldn't force you to sneak around. I had already put you through so much shit and you still wanted to be with me. I wanted to do the right thing because I loved you, Harry."

"What happened?" Harry asked softly.

"I came home after graduation and I told me mum and dad, that I'm gay and that I was in love with you. My dad said some really hurtful things and then he threw me out. Me mum on the other hand supported me and she told my dad to leave instead. They got divorced that summer. I felt so guilty. My dad had taken away my college fund so I had no money for school. Me mum was alone with five children all of a sudden and I couldn't just leave her. I got a job and helped her with my siblings. I was depressed and it felt like I had nothing to offer you so I had to let you go." Louis said and hid his face in his hands. His shoulders were shaking from crying.

"Lou...I wish you had told me. Why did you wait five years?" Harry asked emotionally.

"I couldn't. First I was afraid and then I was depressed and after that, I just felt so ashamed." Louis said and looked up at Harry.

"I miss you so much, Harry. I understand if you'll never forgive me and that's okay. I'm so sorry for everything, how I made you think that you did something wrong. That I made you feel small and insignificant. You are everything to me, Harry. I'm asking for a second chance even if I don't deserve it. I mean, I understand that you have moved on, I just want to be in your life again. Maybe you can find it in your heart to be my friend or at least an acquaintance? I'm not asking for anything more." Louis pleaded.

"I... I need some time to process this." Harry answered. He was in a little bit of a shock. 

"Of course. I'm gonna leave you alone now. You can go back to the reunion. I won't be there. Here, I wrote down my number and address earlier. Feel free to use it, or don't." Louis answered and handed Harry a note.

He stood up and looked at Harry one last time before he walked out of the room and closed the door behind him. Harry watched him leave. What was he supposed to do with all this new information?