OBSIDIAN ISSUE #2 : WOUNDED

THIRTY

"I will never give up. Lov," alu ko sa sarili, ignoring the astonishing rage of nature outside.

Yet, an afterthought had to bother me. Binabaon ko ang katotohanan na hindi ko na talaga alam ang paniniwalaan ko.

By that afternoon, I asked for a sign. If the rainfall calms, then there is still a lingering significance to hold on for this immortal blind hope. Alam ko na hindi iyon isang basehan sa magiging kapalaran ng isang tao ngunit iyon ang natatangi kong pinanghahawakan na ipagpatuloy ang pag-aasa, kahit para sa iba ay wala na itong kabuluhan.

I slid inside my white Mercedes with a fuller hope. Marahan akong nabulag sa hilaw na sinag na sumilip sa humuhupang ulan. Sana lang ay hindi ako maaabutan nito lalo't nanatili pa rin ang kulimlim, hudyat na may ulan pa mamaya. I just probably have to drive fast before the heavier rain catches me. I started the car and turned up the stereo before revving up the engine to leave.

"Kalimutan lang muna ang lahat ng problema, huminga ka nang malalim at tayo'y lalarga na..." I giggled as I sang along then glanced at my side only to find no one.

Nalusaw ang ngiti ko nang balikan ng tingin ang daan sa harap. I pressed a button on my left to roll the windows down on the passenger's side and let the blasting wind rush inside the car. There, I am not alone anymore. In my head, I can be whoever I wanted to be. Also inside my head, I can think of just about anything and that includes the wind taking shape in the likes of you sitting right next to me.

"I never would have known what this song was all about hadn't I searched it." I smiled bitterly and shook my head. "You pulled me to dance with you for the very first time singing the song that promotes the use of illegal drugs, you sneaky little bastard."

Katulad noon, hindi ko rin malalaman kung wala akong ginawa. That alone became my impulse to act on what was supposed to be done the sooner I found out about the news.

"Kaunting hintay na lang at malalaman ko rin ang totoo. All we need is for me to get a hand on those files then I'll persecute the people who have wronged you. One by one," buong sinabi ko na tila nasa tabi ko lang siya. "Starting from the Silvestres, I promised you that."

Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang magiging reaksyon niya kapag narinig ito mula sa akin. Well for sure, he wouldn't allow me to do anything. Now that he's not here, someone has got to take measures while we 're also under the impression that everyone has already given up on him. But not me.

I can still see him. Whether a ghost or just a figment of my imagination, I watched his face is starting to take form in the passenger's seat. Laughing as he sticks his head out the windows and shouted his joy outside... being the wild soul he ever was. Lumingon siya sa akin hatid ang ngiti sa kanyang mga mata. Nililipad ng hangin ang makapal at itim na buhok niya. I can see him without those empty eyes of his but the spark of mischief that only means sheer bliss and rebellious afterthoughts.

"Angelov, careful..." sita ko nang kalahati na ng katawan niya ang nasa labas ng bintana, natatawa siyang sumisigaw habang mabilis ang takbo ng sasakyan.

He didn't respond. Instead, he smiled at me. One of the sweetest smiles I never got to witness after his grief. Dinig ko ang tunog ng ngisi niya habang nakatitig sa akin.

I smiled back at him. Ngunit ganoon lang ang pagpanaw ng tamis sa mga labi ko dahil sa unti unting paglaho ng imahe niya sa aking tabi. Pinakahuli ay ang ngiti at ang magaspang na halakhak niyang umaalingawngaw sa aking isip na ngayo'y tila nagpapaalila sa ihip ng hangin.

"Pagkagaling sa eskuwela ay didiretso na sa inyo..."

With only one hand on the steering wheel, my right one reached out in the hopes to catch just a slight whisper of his memory. Magtatagal ang tingin ko sa bintana kung hindi lang narinig ang isang mahaba at malakas na busina sa harapan. Bumuhos ang lamig sa dugo ko. Natigil ang hininga habang binabantaan ng nakabibinging pagsabog ng aking puso ko. A ten wheeler truck swerved beyond the white worn-out boundary line to overtake a smaller vehicle driving slowly ahead of it. If I didn't snap out of it and veered my car close to the gutter, the truck would have crushed me dead!