OBSIDIAN ISSUE #2 : WOUNDED

TWENTY SIX

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There is life that lives and survives even in the most lifeless forms. Like a beating weight of desolation. Memories trembling in an old rotten home. Hate on an empty heart. A brewing destruction within the black hole. Crashing waves of longing inside a void...

Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal akong nakatayo roon. Basta ang naalala ko ay hinintay ko siya na bumaba sa inuupuang bato. I caught the quick wipe of his eyes with the back of his hand jumping down from the concrete. Sa pagtahan ng bagyo, ang buhos ng mga lihim ay nanatiling imbak at kumukulo.

Maybe it's best that he doesn't know I am here. No matter how the idea of confrontation entertains my urge, it'd only stir another predicament. Ilang taon din kasi niya itong nilihim. Finding out that someone knew about it would be a crossed boundary for him. Ayaw ko na magkagalit ulit kami.

Pagkauwi ay huminto ako sa harap ng aming gate at sinubukang tanawin ang bahay nila. The house seated in a subdivision. The pick-up car. Tattoo business, the successful gigs and the luxury of friends are just some parts of the reality he painted for us to see and to adore. And it pains me that he couldn't brave himself to confide in to anyone about its dark side he's been hiding behind the pure white curtains.

"Huy!"

Naigtad ako sa kalabit sa aking balikat. I turned only to students pouring out from the otgher room. Kaka-ring lang ng bell tanda ng lunchtime.

Ilang beses akong nagpaikot-ikot hanggang sa tumambad ang tumatawang si Joaquin sa tabi ko.

"Oh, hi." I smiled weakly.

Bumagsak ang ngiti niya at kumunot ang noo. "Ayos ka lang?"

Tatango na sana ako nang may mapansin ulit sa ilong niya. Glancing at it for a second just to conceal my awareness, but it was so clear to me that he went through another bout of nosebleed again. I just caught flakes of dried blood around his nostrils.

Wanting to show my concern but hate to cross another line, I smiled at him more genuinely. He's done nothing wrong to be at he receiving end of my unfriendly mood. At isa pa, sa buong araw na wala akong ibang kinakausap, siya lang naman ang nagtanong sa akin kung maayos lang ako.

"Oo naman."

"Gutom ka lang yata, D. Tara, naghihintay na sila sa cafeteria."

Sasabay na sana ako ngunit natigilan. I peered down on my wristwatch. May isa at kalahating oras pa bago ang susunod naming klase. I still have time. If in case I'd be late, I don't think a five or ten minutes delay would matter.

"Uh, Joaquin. Hindi muna ako makakasabay sa inyo ngayon," paumanhin ko habang inaayos ang strap ng bag sa aking balikat at nagsimula nang lumayo. "May pupuntahan lang ako."

"Huh? Saan? Samahan na kita. Malapit lang ba?" He started to advance, too.

Mabilis akong umiling. "No! Huwag na. Ayos lang. Kita na lang tayo bukas. Bye!"

Dinig ko ang humahabol pang tawag sa akin. I ran fast so not to waste any more time. Paglabas ng school gate ay nakapara agad ako ng taxi at muli'y tinahak ang lugar na iyon.

Angelov didn't go home last night. Mga alas otso nang pinuntahan ko siya sa kanila kagabi ngunit madilim ang bahay at walang tao. Napagpalagay ko na roon siya naglagi sa Mama niya, ang may kaarawan kahapon.

Me:

Where are you? Hindi ka umuwi kagabi?

Huminga ako nang malalim. This is my first message to him ever since the day started. Hindi naman ako nabigo dahil agaran ang reply niya.