No More Lonely Nights - A Fan Fiction

No More Lonely Nights - Chapter Forty-Five

February 22, 1964.

London, England.

ALLIE: It was so nice to see everyone finally reunited. Ringo and Vi paired up and immediately took off in the first car that arrived for the boys (I know what they'll be doing), and John with Cynthia and Julian, that lovely little child absolutely thrilled to see his father again. I spoke with Delilah before she and George departed, and I saw all their personnel lingering behind- Brian, Mal, Neil, Kyle... Oh well. I wasn't exactly worried about all of them at the moment.

"Are you staying here in London tonight as well?" Paul asked. "Or going on home?"

"No, tonight as well," I replied. "I... well, I just want some time alone with you. We might as well stay here. I have a lot of things I need to talk to you about."

"Nothing I've done, I hope."

"Oh of course not! Never you, Paul. I just need to talk to you." I paused. "And I need to... we need..." I couldn't bring myself to say the word in public, but I think he gets what I am attempting to say to him.

"Hmmm, love?"

"Oh, come on, I think you get what I am trying to say. I don't exactly want to say it in public with all these people around."

He thought for a moment before smiling. "We do, don't we? How about we make that the first thing we do when we get back to the hotel?"

I smiled at him. "I think that would be a good idea."

We got into the next car that arrived for the band, and I couldn't bring myself to sit on the seat next to him; I sat on his lap instead, not wanting our physical contact to be reduced in any way for the time being. I put my arms around his neck and sighed. "I waited so long for this," I whispered in his ear. "I hope I'm not being to suffocating or anything."

"Too suffocating? You? That's never going to happen." Paul put his arms around my waist and then pulled me closer. "We waited twelve days to get to see each other again. I am certainly not concerned about you being too suffocating. If anything, you aren't close enough!"

"Well we'll be taking care of that shortly, now won't we?" I said, leaning in and touching my lips to his. I had missed the feeling of his mouth on mine, of his arms around me, of just being this close to him.

We arrived at the hotel a few minutes later, and I felt myself growing weak with anticipation as we went upstairs to the room I occupied. I retrieved the key from my purse, but my hands were shaking so badly that I could hardly fit it in the lock. I felt a strong hand over mind a moment later. "Try to calm down, love," he said softly, guiding my hand to turn the key in the lock. I swung the door open and deposited the key and my purse on the table just inside the door. Paul locked the door behind us, and I immediately threw myself into his arms, pulling off his suit jacket and reaching for the buttons on his shirt after removing his tie. "You're not wasting any time, are you, love?" he asked, fingers nimbly unzipping my dark blue dress.

"Absolutely not." My hands made their way almost unconsciously to the button and zipper on his pants, undressing him completely within ten seconds. I covered his mouth with mine, my hands running over every single inch of his body. I had been starved of this type of contact for nearly two weeks, and I could hardly take having to wait any longer for us to be as close as we can ever become. I pulled him onto the bed and subsequently on top of me, feeling as if I would go crazy if we didn't do this right at this very moment.

I didn't exactly have to beg Paul to have sex with me, either. We were both so literally desperate for this feeling of closeness, of affection, that we couldn't quite stop ourselves once we fell onto the bed, unclothed and kissing each other like we have never kissed before. We stopped for a few minutes to rest before immediately starting the cycle again, and I think we must have spent a good six hours in the bed, making up for what we had lost in twelve days' time. I never wanted to let up, but I finally got so tired that I had no choice but to stop for longer than about five minutes. I put my head on Paul's shoulder and closed my eyes, feeling him gently stroking my damp hair. "I love you," I whispered. "I missed you so much. Please don't ever do that to me again."

"I love you too. I won't," he replied. "I told Brian he could forget it. From now on, wherever I go, you too will follow. I don't care if we're on tour or not. Brian can just get over not wanting you girls around."
I nodded. I felt tears coming to my eyes again, tears brought on by the overwhelming number of thoughts swimming through my mind right now. I had so many things to tell him... where would I even start? "Paul?" I asked a bit tentatively, not even certain if I wanted to talk about everything now.

"Hmm? What is it, Allie?" he asked.

Might as well just start saying it all out. The longer I kept it to myself, the longer I would be driven crazy holding it all in. "I need to talk to you."

"I thought so, love. What's wrong?" His voice was so soft, so tender, so reassuring, how could I keep waiting to tell him everything I had saved for when I could be with him? I couldn't really write certain things in letters. He tightened his hold on me and cupped my cheek in his hand. "Tell me, please."

"There's so much, we'll be here for ages."

"Like I am really going to complain about lying in bed holding you for an extended amount of time." He smiled, and I felt my heart melting just looking at him. "You sure you don't mind if I talk to you now?" I asked him.

"Why would I? Did things happen while I was gone?"

"That's putting it lightly," I replied. "Having you not be around for those twelve days was torture."

"Somehow I am guessing that's not exactly what you're wanting to tell me."

I sighed. If Paul was able to read me any better... "You know me too well, Paul."

"I'm supposed to know you too well. I know more about you than you know about yourself." He sat up straighter in bed and shifted me into his lap, pulling the sheets around us. "Now spill it. Everything. I don't care how long it takes."

I nodded and leaned against his shoulder, trying to decide what to tell first. I began with everything that had gone on with my mother, right up to what she had done on the 20th. "So not only did she search through your room but she burned what she found?" Paul sounded incredulous. "Surely-"

"Oh, no, she did. Thank God I had all the letters with me. I was wearing one of the white shirts under a sweater, and I guess she thought that blue t-shirt you gave me a couple summers ago was mine because she left it. But everything else..." I took a deep breath. "I just wish I knew why."

"I do too," he said quietly. "I'm so sorry, I really am. I will help you replace the photographs, even though you shouldn't have to. And you can have anything of mine you want to sleep in, you know that. I have a million shirts."

"I know, but still... and she did it with me right there watching. I knew if I protested... I don't even want to think about it."

"I'm just really sorry, I truly am, Allie."

"I just couldn't really tell you in a letter or over the phone... it wouldn't have been the same." I put my arms around his waist and sighed. "That's not all, of course."

"Is it more with your mother or other things?"

"Other things. Remember when I mentioned in one of the letters that I kept having nightmares the whole time you were gone?"

"Yes." His face had taken on an even more concerned expression now. "How bad were they?"

I took a deep breath. "Umm..."

"Bad, hmm?"

"I don't even think 'bad' is a strong enough word, honestly." I really didn't want to bring back to mind all the awful, horrific images that had filled my subconscious every night, but I had to tell him. I recounted them in order, hesitating when it came down to telling about the final one. "I don't know if I can even talk about the last one."

"You don't have to if you don't want to," Paul said quietly. "You really don't."

"I have to. I really don't want to keep thinking about it. If I tell you, I think that will make the thoughts go away." I held onto him tighter and began speaking in a lower voice, so softly that he had to lean down even further just to hear me. "I was in this area, I don't even know where, really. It was like a field, but everything was completely dark save for a small orb of light in the distance. I had a feeling that I was supposed to follow the light, so I did so, even though I really didn't want to. As I got closer to the light, I was able to tell where I was- some sort of cemetery, only instead of the... the people being properly buried, they were sort of just lying there on the grass. All in different stages of being dead, I guess the word would be. I mean, like how long they had been dead." I stopped for a moment, trying to work up the courage to say the next part. I didn't really want to, but I had to.

"I think I have an idea of where this is going," he said gently. "You don't have to tell me the rest if you really don't want to."

"I have to," I said, trying to keep my voice steady. "If I don't, I'll keep thinking about it and it will keep on driving me crazy. I was finally up fairly close to the light I mentioned, and it was illuminating something... well, more like someone. I didn't know who, but I still felt compelled to keep moving closer." I took a deep breath and reached out for Paul's hand, and he took mine, squeezing it gently. "It was me, wasn't it, love?" he asked quietly.

I nodded and put my head on his shoulder, trying not to cry. I remembered the horror I had felt that night, how I had screamed and screamed but he had not been there to tell me it was all right, that he was right there beside me. I had never been so shaken up before in my life, and as a result, I had barely slept the past couple days. "It was you," I said, my voice shaking. "And you were..." I couldn't bring myself to say the word.

"I was dead," he said, speaking the one word I couldn't find the strength to use. "Is that what you're trying to say? It's all right, love, it's over now, don't cry."

"I know, but still... I just started screaming and screaming when I saw it was you, and I recall I just knelt down and gathered you in my arms, just screaming your name over and over again, but of course you didn't answer me. I don't know what had happened to you to... well, to kill you, but you looked like you had been pretty much abused and then basically thrown away, if you know what I am saying. I woke myself up screaming around this point. I wasn't calling for you, which in a way was a blessed relief because my mother would have been even angrier than she already was at being woken up. My father was sympathetic but I didn't tell him what I had been dreaming about. I couldn't."

"What kind of a person is angry at being woken up by someone having a nightmare? Oh, your mother, that's right." Paul's voice was edged with anger itself at that bit of knowledge. "I'm so sorry, baby, I am. If I had been there-"

"If you had been there, it wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't have had that dream to start with. You keep all the nightmares away, Paul. I can sleep when you're here. I feel so much safer. I know nothing can hurt me as long as you're with me."

"Of course not. I would never let anyone or anything hurt you in any way. I love you too much." He took a deep breath and kissed my forehead. "I'm so sorry you dealt with all that without me here. I feel horrible."

"Don't feel bad, really. None of this is your fault. You didn't cause any of it."

"I'm supposed to be here to protect you... I wasn't for those twelve days. I-"

"Paul, don't do this to yourself. You didn't do anything." I held onto him even tighter. "You're here now, that's all that matters to me."

"I know. I just want you to know that I love you. I love you so much, there's no way I could ever do anything to hurt you."

Somehow I sensed he had something on his mind as well. "Is there something you want to tell me?" I asked.

"Actually... yes."


PAUL: What John had tried to talk me into doing while we were gone... I didn't really want to tell Allie that one, but might as well. "You won't believe what John told me I should do while we were gone," I said.

"What?" she asked. "Knowing John, it could be anything."

I sighed. "I was telling him how upset I was over having to be apart from you for so long and how I was going to miss you so much. I made the mistake of telling him how I was going to be driven insane not being able to have sex with you, and he tried to tell me I should sleep with other women while I was in the States and away from you. As he put it, 'You're not married to her, you can sleep with other people if you want to.' Needless to say, I told him just exactly what he could do with that idea."

"He suggested you cheat on me?" Allie's tone was one that was both surprised yet not surprised. "Why does that sound just so very John?"

"Because it is."

"He knows how devoted we are to each other. The idea!" Allie sighed. "I know you would never do that to me."

"Absolutely not! When I picture sex in my mind, it is between you and me. Just you. No other woman is in my mind when I think about sex. It's just your face I see. I told John it would be impossible for me to even think of sleeping with someone else. How could I do what I do with you to show you in some way how much I love you and then turn around and do those same things to some cheap whore I don't care for in the least? I couldn't. It just isn't possible." I kissed her. "But that's not all. You know why he had no issues telling me that? Just guess, you'll love it."

"He cheated on Cynthia, didn't he?" Her voice was small, as if she didn't want to think of such a thing.

"Yes. Would you like to guess with who?"

"Do I know her?"

"Oh, you know her. We all know her."

Allie thought for a moment, and then her eyes widened. "Oh my God. Kyle?"

I nodded. "I saw them one night when I got up to go get some water. Naked on the couch, going at it completely oblivious to me and George and Ringo being in the suite. They were all over each other the rest of the trip. I haven't told anyone, and I don't know if Geo and Ringo know, but I am not saying anything. I will just leave it at the fact that it is John's business."

"Oh, I swear, leave it to John..." Allie sighed. "He knows better, he's married. Not so much an issue for Kyle here, but John... a married man knows better than to do that. But I can't say I'm surprised. They've liked each other from day one, it has always appeared. To me, at least."

"No, I've noticed it myself." I sat up straighter against the pillows. "I'm not saying a word, though. Not my place."

"That's probably a good idea." Allie sat up and sighed. "You think we should possibly get up now? We've been in the bed all day."

"You're not complaining about that, are you?" I asked, giving her my usual wink. She laughed and kissed me. "No, of course not! But it's going on a bit past five. Don't you want to eat anything?"

"Who needs food. I have everything I need right here," I said, pulling her back into my lap. "But I suppose we should get up. I'm getting a bit stiff not moving around at all."

"You're not getting up," she observed.

I shook my head. "One last thing before I do get up. I just want you to know I do love you very much. I say it all the time, but just know I do, okay? I could never dream of doing anything to hurt you. All I thought about the whole time we were gone was you. Which is why I ended up writing to you so much."

"'And then while I'm away, I'll write home everyday,'" Allie said with a smile. "You took that line literally, Paul."

"Of course I did. I wrote that song for a reason, you know. I just never expected to apply it to reality."

We did eventually make it out of the hotel to find something for dinner, and I was relieved to finally be outside without having a horde of screaming fans following me and shrieking my name in a neverending chant. No, it was finally just me and my best friend, the love of my life, out on the streets. Just me and Allie.