Living with Noah Parker.

☂ Chapter Eleven ☂

You wouldn’t want to be with me if I told you.

“Nothing,” I managed to smile.

“Don’t lie to me Cole.”

I sighed. She saw right through me.“I’m not Meghan.”

“You were there for me when my parents died. When I lost all my family; let me help you Cole,” she mumbled before leaning forward and slanting her lips against mine. I found myself lost in the sensation of kissing her, her soft lips on mine. For a second I felt like tearing down my walls and telling her the truth but I couldn’t, it wasn’t right. She didn’t need to worry about me, I was fine. I’d get over this phase and get back to the boy I was four years ago. The Cole she’d fallen in love with. That was something I could promise her.

I pulled away, shaking my head softly. “I don’t need help,” I whispered lightly, making small circles on her cheeks with my thumbs. “I have a doctor’s appointment now, I’ll see you tonight?” I asked hopefully, shrugging my shoulders.

“I have a free period, I’ll come with you.”

Fuck.

I shook my head, “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”

She ignored me and jumped into the passenger seat of my car before I could stop her. She watched me, her eyes challenging me as she put on the seatbelt. “I wasn’t asking Cole, I’m telling you that I’m coming,” she replied sternly.

“Meghan, get out of my car,” I ground out. If she came with me to the hospital this would be it, the end of everything. Why wasn't she just co-operating? This was for her benefit, god she didn't know how badly I wanted her to be there with me, holding my hand as the doctor told me what was going to happen to me next.

“What if I don’t?” she asked, her eyes bearing into mine. “What will you do?” she demanded, the warmth from her eyes vanishing, filling with nothing but coldness and hatred. “Hit me?” she spat.

I flinched, stumbling back a couple of steps. She clapped a hand over her mouth, shocked at her own words. I felt like I’d been punched in the gut and my body wasn’t getting enough oxygen. She was right, but why did it hurt so much?

“Cole-” she began, tears pooling her eyes. “I’m sorry, tha-”

“Leave it,” I snapped.

She shook her head, putting a fist to her mouth. Her head bowed as she held her head in shame and hurt. Why couldn’t I just fucking push her away? Why was it that every time she cried I had the urge to go and comfort her and tell her it wouldn’t happen again?

Because I was in love with her and had been for the last four years.

I went up to the car, opened the passenger seat and held my palm out for her, she took it gently and stepped out of the vehicle. “I never meant to hurt you Meghan,” I whispered, pulling her to my chest. She tangled her arms around my neck, making my body shake as she cried into my chest, and I tilted my head up to look at the sky, hoping that somehow it would stop any tears from falling, hoping I wouldn't break down in front of her.

“I know,” she choked with sobs ripping through her throat. “But why do you then?” she whispered unhappily and it felt like she’d punched me again, her words were like physical blows, each one hurting more than the last.

“I don’t know,” I murmured. “I’m so fucking pathetic.” My face was back in her hair, muffling my voice and hiding the fact that my tears were threatening to fall, stinging like acid at the back of my throat. “It’s like I’m two different people and I don’t have any control over which one I am at what time,” I whispered, trying to explain to her exactly how I felt. There was Cole, the good guy, the one I was now but then the dark version would arrive and I couldn’t control when he did or what he did all I knew was why he was doing it. And Meghan was paying the price for it all and she shouldn’t be, she didn’t deserve to be treated like this. She deserved somebody who could take care of themselves, a boy that would love her, that wouldn't hurt her and at this moment in time, I was definite that any guy out there could treat her better than I ever had.