Opened

Part I

six years old

bam bam

she told me to open it but the fear of knowing who was on the other side kept me glued to our stained rug

I watched her sluggishly open the door

my eyes stayed on my only toy

trying to redirect them from meeting his

I rolled the tires on the carpet .. loving the electric feel of the friction the car provided in my grasp as I rolled it backwards repeatedly

I released it, allowing it to collide with the nearest solid object in our old one-bedroom apartment

the thud noise was minuscule to the events transpiring in the kitchen

she couldn't answer him

she didn't know how to answer him

his voice mounted cold

snatching my attention from my red, fiery truck

her body shook violently, feeling the chill of his words

each step revealed new veins exploding from the side of his neck

her voice shrunk as well as her power as her back hit the wall in the kitchen

I ran to the other side of the living room to rid my eyes of a movie scene I've seen one too many times

yet through the plugging of my ears, the sound still found its way into a small crevice ...

sixteen years old

every problem was handled with my hands

there was no need for talking

and this is what made me come face-to-face with this same desk every week

the same 4 smiling faces in a rectangular picture frame adorning the right side of his desk

envy burned in my heart at his two children

they didn't know how it felt to not have a real father figure in their life

they didn't know how it felt to hear their mother pleading for her life almost every other night

they didn't know how it felt to have shaky knuckles knocking on the neighbor's crib at least once a month to haul their mom's limp body to the hospital

what I thought would've been another meeting to suspend me from school became my eviction notice from school

and on that same day, the streets gave me my full-time employment with no elite promises of a future retirement

much less, the promise of seeing the sun rise on the next day

twenty-six years old

the call came in the middle of me dragging my girl out the house

my mom being in the hospital was like hearing about somebody being shot ... normal, common

but as I held her frail hand and looked into her sunken eyes .. I knew there was no recovery for her

she was given less than 48 hours

and every second was a gift to see her chest rise and fall

on the 28th hour, my stomach whimpered

wanting to be appeased by a snack

the guy ahead of me looked like someone in the same business as me

yet when he grabbed his snicker and turned to walk away

he paused

looked intently in my eyes while simultaneously softening his and spoke