Finding Jiyong

Chapter 8

“Does he even exist? Are you sure it wasn’t just you girls pranking me?” Dara laughingly joked. 

“Seriously, Unnie, how could you suspect us of doing that? I, for one, would never want to see you acting like a zombie again.” Minzy protested. She shuddered in memory.

“I know, girls. Sorry for even thinking like that. But really,” She sighed. “I’d rather prefer it if it was a prank.” If it was a prank then it was done in really bad taste but she would have preferred it to be a prank rather than acknowledging that Jiyong was real and not just a literal dream. 

Her psychologist told her that maybe she had created in her mind a friend to help her deal with all the difficult changes in her young life given that all those times when Jiyong appeared she would usually be on some sort of life changing event. The first time he showed up was when she was in a new country with no actual friends of her own around. The second time he showed up was when her parents were going through an ugly divorce. It was an explanation that she could accept at least. But if she were to think that he was real then it would only just open up an emotional can of worms that she was afraid she might not be able to handle for the third time.

She said to herself she’s never going down that rabbit hole again but with that damned flowers and that damned note she felt as if she’s only barely hanging on the edge with her fingertips. One little push and she was afraid she’ll feel like she’s back in that dark place hovering between hope and despair. She shook her head to clear it.

“You know we’re always here for you.” CL reassured her. “You don’t have to look for Jiyong. We’re here for you and we’re real. You just have to say the word and we’ll be there.”

“Yeah. Jiyong, whether real or imaginary, was an ass for leaving you. Don’t spare him a single thought. He’s not worth losing your beauty sleep over.” Bom said. “Anyone who leaves you isn’t worth finding. You’ve done well for the past years without him. You will do well in the future without him, too.”

“Fighting, Unnie. Remember, with or without Jiyong you are lovely.” Minzy then sang some lines from her new single, “Lovely, lovely you are.” 

“Aw, I love you girls. You really are the best. I wish you all are here so I can hug you.” Dara pouted.

“CL, we’ll meet again next month when I’m back in Seoul. Hang on to your sanity until then.” CL blew them all a kiss. “Goodnight, bitches. It’s almost midnight here. I got to go.” 

The rest of the girls also said their own goodbyes. The screen turned black telling Dara that she was all alone again but the fond smile remained in her lips for a few seconds. The girls always had this effect on her. If only there were video calls when she was young then maybe her young brain wouldn’t have conjured Jiyong into her dreams and she would have escaped from experiencing those times of desperation. Jiyong to her had been rainbows and butterflies but he had also meant both hell and high water.

She got up from her chair and trudged towards her bedroom when she caught sight of the purple rose and daisy bouquet. She was tempted to throw it away but she couldn’t do it. She walked slowly towards it and opened the simple white card. 

There was nothing on it except the handwritten note. No return address. There wasn’t even a logo or trademark for the flower shop. Not even a single drawing. It was all blank except for the scrawled message. She took the note with her to her bed. She kept staring at the print even when she was already tucked underneath the covers. She fell asleep still holding it.

How did her bed become this hard? It felt like she was lying on a wood bench and not her custom hotel grade mattress foam. She furrowed her brows in confusion. When she felt someone smoothing her brows with what felt like fingertips she stiffened in fright. She’d been living alone for a year now. How could someone be touching her face? She opened her eyes to see a masked face looking down at her. Her head was lying on somebody’s lap. She sat up in alarm and immediately scooted to the opposite side of the bench.

“You’re not supposed to be here. I’m not supposed to be here.” She rudely told the man version of Jiyong. She hasn’t seen him in years but she knew in her gut it was him.

He stared lovingly at her in response to her accusing glare. “But you’re here and I’m here.” He shifted his body towards her and continued to look at her. 

After some time he moved as if he wanted to get closer to her. She tried to shrink her body further as if she could merge with the other end of the bench and crossed her fingers at him as if to ward off the devil. “You stay there. Stay there. Don’t move a single inch.”

Jiyong sighed in defeat. “Okay, whatever you say my queen.” He brought his feet up on the bench and settled himself comfortably with his chin resting on one bent knee. “I’ll stay here looking at you. You can look at me as well. I know you miss me, too.”

“Who missed who? You’ve got to be kidding me.” Dara scoffed at him.

“No I’m not kidding anyone here. Hell, no. The past years have been hellish without you, you know. I’d never kid with you on this.” Jiyong answered gently with a sad note in his voice.

“I was happy without you in my life.” Dara claimed with false bravado. She wasn’t an actress for nothing.

“I’m glad to know that you were happy. I wasn’t though.” He told her while looking at her straight in the eye. She wanted to look away but found out she couldn’t.

“I was scared you wouldn’t be when I saw you that day. You looked so thin and your hands felt cold. I wanted to hug you then so fucking much. But I couldn’t tell you it was me. I still couldn’t tell you who I am even until now. I so fucking hate myself because of that but always know I always want to see you happy. Please be happy, Dara.” He told her in an imploring tone. Then the next moment he was fading away and he was gone as if he was never there in the first place.

(Author's note: I'm angry with Jiyong. I'm angry with how this story is turning out to be because of him. It's not following the plot outline that I've planned before. My character has gone rogue inside my head and I'm just doing improv with whatever tricks he's come up with. I have a whole bunch of scribbles on my little notebook that have been laid to waste because of Jiyong's actions in the past 2 chapters.)