Emotions

Unknown

My heart is in such an interesting place lately; it's a mess of paradoxes. I seem to be having a lot of conversations with myself in the subconscious, a lot that end with talking in circles and wondering why my emotions are so jumpy and misunderstood. Just last night, I caught myself saying, "I like being single, but I don't like being single. I don't really want to date, but I do want to get married." See my problem?

Maybe the holidays do this to everyone- that feeling of restlessness as a new year approaches and some of this year's goals didn't seem to be met, but the pressure to make next year better is on the horizon. I keep thinking the best is yet to come and I get excited, but I allow comparison to creep in or the frustration that some of the places I am are not where I want to be. 25 is not that old when you really look at it, but maybe I'm having a quarter-life crisis as the birthday is quickly approaching. I thought I'd have a lot more figured out than I do. These ending days of the year are somehow set by a calendar as being on the brink of something new, a fresh start, but I should tell myself that every day. There is nothing confining any of us where we are; we don't have to be stuck in our emotions, mental state or physical location, and age is just a number.
It seems I've done it here, talked in sentences that don't make much sense, but do have a purpose, to me at least. I want to be settled again, but not comfortable. I want to be excited again for what's coming, even if I can't see the new. I want to dream bigger and live my life knowing God understands me- He sees and knows. I want to remember that I don't have to confine myself to any box, including being in a slump one second and anticipation of January the next. I don't know what is coming, but I want to find the joy in the unknown again.

-tumblr user heartbeatofatwentysomething