They Never Said It Would Be Easy

July 14, 2018

After about two years of working full time at Bennett Fischer publishing, I have finally been promoted from proofreader to editor! I am no longer at the bottom of the totem pole at the company, but I am the least experienced editor, putting me at the bottom of the editing hierarchy in my new position. I am happy with this though. It is a real step up from my last position and comes with a pay raise, which will make my life a lot easier. I no longer have to pick and choose what group events I can attend so that I can save enough money for rent. With this new raise, I can even attend the Cabo trip that our friend group has planned for the end of August. This was something that I could never afford on my old salary, but now I have my spot booked and have even done some bathing suit shopping.

In the past few weeks, my life has gone from almost unbearable to feeling new and exciting. I feel like I have been reborn in a way. I have made so much progress since I lost my dad and Colin and I broke up. I find time to visit my mom once a month and make sure she is doing well without my dad around. I make time on the weekends to hang out with my friends, sometimes with an occasional happy hour during the week. When it comes to my feelings for Colin, I feel as though I have actually moved on. I still think about him, but there are some days that he doesn't even cross my mind. Right when I thought that there was no way out of the darkness that had swallowed my life, I found a small speck of light and held on to it. As time went on, the light grew bigger until it blocked out any darkness that was trying to suck me back in. But just because I have light in my life again doesn't mean that there are not any shadows.

Today I decided to have a day dedicated to myself. I have been working extremely hard at work and I wanted to have some alone time doing some things that I really enjoy. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends more than anything, but I like to have some personal space at times too. Plus, I needed a little break from the bar scene, which is their all-time favorite venue to hang out in. My plan for the weekend is to catch up on sleep, get a few new books to read, and potentially brainstorm some ideas for my first book. I have always wanted to be an author, so I was thinking that it would be smart to start coming up with a few ideas. In my opinion, the best way to get ideas for a book is to read a few. Reading gives my mind a break from reality and lets me escape into the lives of the characters. In order to get my imagination gears turning, I need to find inspiration from other authors.

I find a parking spot and walk into the Last Bookstore. The last time I came here I was with Colin. I didn't want to relive past memories, but this is by far the biggest bookstore I have ever been to and the environment feels inspiring. This is the perfect place to buy some new books and brainstorm ideas for my writing. As I walk in, I am surprised when I do not feel even the smallest sting of pain. I thought that I would feel upset coming here without Colin, but time has really started to heal my broken heart. I am no longer in pain and I am ready to get on with the rest of my life.

I walk straight to my favorite section, young adult fiction. I know it might sound a bit strange, but I absolutely love a sad, romantic book that can make me cry. I love books that make me feel emotions deeper than I would in real life. If a book makes me cry and I think about it for weeks or even months after I have finished it, then it is automatically one of my favorite books. At this point in my life, I do not need deep emotions coming from real events in my life. I am more than happy to escape into a character's life and have them feel those emotions for me. It's the best of both worlds. I get to feel true passion and intensity, but I don't have to suffer the consequences that come from it. As I walk through the aisles I find a few books and add them to my basket to buy. One of the books I add to my basket is In Her Hands, the book that Bennett Fischer had me read over to decide if it should be published when I first started working. Who knows? Maybe one day I'll be stuck in the character's position. A love triangle where she is forced to choose between two completely opposite guys. I'll keep it on my bookshelf to read in the future. I finish walking through each row in the young adult fiction section and decide to explore the rest of the store. It has been a few months since I have been here, so I want to see if there is anything new.