hide your heartbeat - vmon/taejoon

fact #8

"Whatever, Namjoon."

"It's not whatever."

"Well, it's too late, isn't it?" She says back coolly. "You're almost twenty. You're about to finish your second year. That's almost halfway through."

"Right," Namjoon answers. And because she's right, he says, "I have to go study. Bye."

He hangs up without waiting for a reply and throws his phone on the carpet with a sigh, and it's only then that he realises he's been holding his breath for god knows how long. Maybe it's from the moment he brought up Minah being good enough — him being good enough, or maybe it's from the moment Kim Taehyung's name left his lips.

Either way, he can finally breathe now.

(He still feels like he's suffocating, though. He is his mama's boy, always has been, and it only stopped being okay when he realised he wanted to be his own man instead of her boy. But that's not how it works, see, he's not difficult like Minah, and he's definitely not whatever the fuck Kim Taehyung is.

Crazy, he thinks. Or brave.)

—

He posts the song on Soundcloud. Seoul. The first person he sends the link to is his mother, but his phone vibrates with a new call before he can share the link with anyone else.

"Hey," Taehyung says. "Seoul."

"Do I have to release a song every time I want your attention?" Namjoon asks before he can help himself, and he instantly wishes he could take back these words. Or, like, evaporate on the spot.

"Um."

"I mean... you've been avoiding me ever since the closet thing," Namjoon points out.

Taehyung chuckles. "You mean, since you tried to avoid me first? And it backlashed really fucking horribly on both of us?"

"Precisely."

"I didn't mean to avoid you," Taehyung says. Namjoon hums. "Did you try to find me?"

"Kinda," Namjoon says after a moment.

"Why?"

"Why 'kinda' as in partially tried or why as in why did I want—"

"Both," Taehyung cuts him off.

Namjoon bites his lip. "I just wanted to ask if you're okay, and to send you the song so you could be the first one to listen to it — its final version, at least."

"And... 'kinda' tried as in..?" Taehyung trails off.

Namjoon almost shrugs before catching himself. "Because I didn't really care."

"Oh?"

"Why should I?" Namjoon asks. "Do you even consider me a friend?"

"Do you?"

"I don't know," Namjoon admits. "I don't care, really."

"You're a weird one, Kim Namjoon," Taehyung says amusedly. "You say you don't care about me but, at the same time, you wanted me to be the first one to listen to your song. Which, I just did."

"Your art is the cover," Namjoon reminds him. "And I never said that I don't care about you."

"So, you care about me?"

Namjoon clenches his jaw. "Fuck, no. Fuck off."

"Chill, hyung."

"I'm not your hyung," Namjoon huffs. "So, you listened to Seoul? What do you think?"

"I thought you don't care about me," Taehyung says. "Why do you care about what I think?"

"I don't," Namjoon argues, closing his eyes. "Are you always this frustrating?"

"Of course not!" Taehyung replies with a sweet chuckle. "I'm usually worse."

Namjoon rolls his eyes, unsure of why he still hasn't ended the call, but then Taehyung says quietly, "It was good. Beautiful."

"You liked it?"

"Yeah, um," and Namjoon's listening intensely now to every crack and muffled sound coming from the speakers of his phone as he clutches it as tightly as he can. "I loved it, actually."

"I'm glad you did," Namjoon says honestly.

"It hit close to home," Taehyung tells him. "It's — it's our home. You captured it perfectly."

"Thank you," Namjoon whispers.

"Can I — can I try to paint it?" Taehyung asks. "I've always wanted to paint a city and I have lots of photos so, maybe paint one of them? But, like, use your song as a palette instead of the actual colours?"

"You don't have to ask," Namjoon says. "But, sure, yeah. Paint any song you want. And show me, if you can."

"Keep making songs, then," Taehyung says softly. "If it's cool."

Namjoon bites a smile back. "I will."

"Good," Taehyung says, then there's some rustling coming from the speakers. "Um, I wanna listen to Seoul again."

"Alright."

Pause, then, "Goodnight, hyung."

"Goodnight, Tae."

—

stream d-2!! also, thanks for the 40 reads! vote and comment, maybe? :3