Million Years Ago [H.S AU]

45

"Why would you say that?"

"Because I'm like daddy!" Alex answers. "Everyone says that I'm just like him. And you hate daddy. So don't you hate me too? You left him." Alex pauses. "I don't want you to hate me or leave me like you did with daddy."

I'm shell shocked, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. I grab his hand, pulling him to a nearby bench so I can sit down and center myself. "Alex, I don't hate daddy."

"But you would say it to him sometimes. Like a long time ago. I heard you!"

"I was just sad." I answer, feeling my heart break. "Sometimes, when we're sad or mad, we say things that we don't mean."

"Like when I told you I hated you and daddy made me say sorry?"

"Yes. Exactly like that."

Alex seems to slowly understand. "Is that why we see daddy more? Because you don't hate him?"

"...Uh, yes."

"And that's why you kiss him and hold his hand?"

I blush, nodding. "Yes." Silence. Then, "Alex, I could never hate daddy."

"Because you love him?"

"Y-Yes, very much."

"...And you love me?"

"I love you more than you'll ever know." Without thinking, I reach out and hug him, kissing his cheek. "I could never leave you. I will never leave you. I'll always be here for you and I'll always love you. You are my son."

Alex cringes at my affection, "No kisses momma! I'm a big boy now, remember?" But he giggles nonetheless as I embrace him.

He hugs me back.

"I'll never leave you." I repeat.

His hands rest against my skin as my forearms wrap around his tiny torso. "You promise?" He asks.

"Yes. I sincerely swear."

"You pinky promise?"

"Of course!"

We interlock our pinky's.

Then Alex says, "So then you aren't like Luke's dad? You will never leave me, which means you'll never leave daddy?"

I smile, "Yes. Is there anything else?"

He thinks for a moment before scrunching his nose. "I don't like it when you and daddy kiss."

"Why not?"

"Because it's gross!" He giggles.

"But don't I kiss you and Ava?"

"Well...yes."

"And I love you and Ava. I also love daddy very much. So why can't I kiss daddy?"

He struggles to find an answer. "Well...I guess that makes sense."

He starts to eat his lollipop, looking more happy than I've seen him in a very long time.

There's a brief moment when he reaches to grab my hand, squeezing my fingers tightly and holding on for dear life. "I love you momma." He says, eyes glossy with tears. "Even though I can be mean sometimes. I don't mean to be mean. I don't mean to make you cry."

"It's okay." I swallow the lump in my throat, patting his hand. "We're okay now."

His eyes widen and he looks alarmed; scared. "I'm sorry!" He says, slightly panicked. "I didn't mean to make you cry again! Here, take my lollipop!" He tries to offer me some of his lollipop to cheer me up. His small dainty fingers rub and pat my back as I wipe away my tears.

"It's a happy cry," I reassure him. "And no, thank you. The lollipop is for you."

We sit in the park for a little while longer. He fills me in about the gossip at his school, eating his lollipop in content which stains his tongue and lips blue.

It's not until we're in the car, on our way back to Harry's house, when Alex says, "I'm happy you're not sad anymore momma."

I can't help but feel confused, glancing at him in the rear view mirror. "Sad?"

"Before, when you didn't kiss daddy or hold his hand...when you shouted at him a lot," Alex explains. "When you were sad and used to cry a lot. I'm happy you're not sad anymore."

He's so innocent and yet so smart. I don't realize how transparent I've been these last few years-how smart my son is and how much life he understands-until now. Half of my heart is happy and proud of how intuitive he is, yet the other half is heart broken that he's seen so much in his young life.

"I'm happy too, baby." I finally reply, looking away in awe.