Vicarious Paris: One woman's candid account of moving to Paris, with insights on: food, nightlife, and living like a local

Chapter One: Bienvenue à Paris!

Those were the good parts, and then there were also some other parts. During the summer, for example, there were always one or two people outside the church who are commonly referred to as “gypsies.” They appear to collect money for any number of situations they present you with; a leg injury that hasn’t healed, a sad-looking dog, small children cuddled up in a sleeping bag, etc. The pet and children thing can definitely tug at your heart strings, but one night, in the outskirts of the Bastille neighbourhood, I saw the same kid who’d been cuddled up and malnourished earlier that day, with a totally different set of parents now, sitting amongst stacks of clothing and eating McDonald’s. This definitely made me aware of the larger organization at work here. It doesn’t escape me that neither situation is ideal when it comes to daily life, but I’m currently at a loss as to how I can personally help. All I know so far is that the money I’d end up giving wouldn’t directly help the “helpless” situation (like the dog who just needs some dog food). In fact the more us visitors give, the more of these little “street tableaus” we’ll see popping up all over Paris. Long-term solution? To be determined...

Now let’s see...there was definitely a point to the paragraph above which reveals my cold black heart (and for my next demonstration, I will set a basket of kittens on fire...). Oh yes...the regularity of gypsies in front of the church made it obvious I was living on the edge of a tourist trap. This irksome fact turned out to be a helpful tool, as it made me very aware of all the nuances and trappings of...the trap. My learnings will be laid out in full in the following chapter, but for now I’ll briefly touch on getting through your first day in Paris.

Depending on where you’re flying in from, your journey to Paris will involve some degree of a time difference. If you’re like me, you’ll be taking an overnight flight, only night doesn’t actually happen, so now it’s morning in Paris which means: time to sink your teeth in and knock some items off your touristy to-do list; yay! 

Here are my words of caution: do as little as possible on day number one, because you simply cannot be trusted.

I’m not disparaging your trip-planning skills, I’m sure you were very thorough. It’s just that nine times out of ten, someone on the plane had a wretched cough or a drunken outburst, and unless you pumped your body full of sleeping pills, you didn’t rest very well on the plane. The problem of course is you’ll forget that fatigue as soon as you arrive in Paris central; you’ll soil yourself with glee over cobblestoned streets and the smell of fresh crêpes and you’ll feel like you can take on the world. This is just the sort of attitude that’ll have you wanting to do something big like the Eiffel Tower on day one, only you’ll wind up feeling so drained that you’ll stop for a coffee at the nearest café, except why are you over-paying at a café near the Eiffel tower, when there are so many other cafés that don’t over-charge? Cafés that offer up more than the noisy ambience of tour buses passing by. Again I ask: why? Because you haven’t slept in twenty-three hours and you don’t know what’s going on; that’s why!

My own day one involved getting lost on my way to the grocery store, and then not realizing how heavy my groceries were, until the point when I got lost again on the journey home. After that, in a dizzying state of insomnia, I bought a croissant at a goddamn CHAIN ESTABLISHMENT, because I hadn’t researched the exact location of the nearest boulangerie (bakery), and the hole in my stomach was now burrowing down to my knees.

As for you, future traveler, assuming you’re only visiting Paris for a short time, and therefore don’t need much in the way of groceries, here are my thoughts on spending a good first day in Paris...

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No matter which neighbourhood you’ll be staying in, map out the nearest bakery before you arrive, as there will definitely be one within walking distance. To get the true experience of fresh bakery smells and the local vibe, make sure it’s an “artisan boulanger” that makes everything in-house in the accredited way; in my experience most of them were, just make sure you do some quick research so you know it for certain.

Once you arrive in Paris, make the bakery your first stop. When it comes to choices, I myself am partial to the pain au chocolat (with my own personal grading system, of course), but anything will do; you’re in Paris now. Eat the croissant and stroll around the area; get to know your ‘hood. I’m not very good with street names, so I try to remember store signs and colours; this will help you when you’re stumbling home after a night of fun which involved a whole bottle of wine (oh you think you’ll only drink two glasses of FRENCH wine? You’re so cute).  If you’re a foodie and you researched lots of restaurants/you have an amazing palette, don’t worry about that crap on day one; you’ll probably be too tired to appreciate it.

Overall, spend the day exploring, preferably by the Seine, because the sure-fire way to NOT get lost when you don’t know the streets of Paris? Stay by the river. It’s that long, straight, watery thing. The fringe benefit to strolling down the street along the river is the absolute, nuanced, gorgeousness of it all. If it’s sunny and it’s mid-afternoon, the sun makes the river sparkle, not unlike the shimmer one perceives on the body of a topless dancer (a “sparkling diamond” reference would’ve been too cliché). And in the evening, at sunset, well...I’m getting a little emotional just thinking about it. The sun sets late in Paris during the summer, which means a slow progression of the sun streaking its way between the buildings, leading to the ultimate warm pinkish glow of dusk...it’s beautiful. I never got sick of the evening glow by the river, so if you’re still awake on day one (because you refused to go to bed early since your determined not to get jet-lag), the bridges of Paris are a great place to be at sunset, when you’re bug-eyed and delirious from insomnia.

My favourite spot from which to observe the river sunset is the bridge called Pont Neuf, specifically from the right bank side of the river. It’s great because it’s where the Ile de la Cité ends, so you can observe the whole width of the river without the island in the way. You can also see the top two thirds of the Eiffel Tower, which lights up at dusk and does its sparkle show later at night (I hope you’re not one of those people who thinks the sparkling Eiffel Tower is lame, because I’ll later discuss my love of it from different vantage points in depth).

If you’ve done all this on day one and had delicious, casual eats along the way (more on that to come), you will have had yourself a pretty decent first day in Paris. It might not seem that way when you glance at your Paris to-do list which still looks pretty damn full, but actually that brings me to a very important point: please put “random” and “strolling” at the very top of your Paris to-do list. Hours of strolling, striking up conversations, popping into this place or that place, these are the best ways to get an initially standoffish Paris to reveal all his charm and warmth (did you expect me to refer to Paris as a “her?” No I get it, it’s the beauty thing, but listen up: there are some beautiful men out there too, trust me).

A lot of this book will focus on strolls and random moments, but first let us deal with that pesky tourist trap...