The Switch Hitter (GxG)

Chapter 17

I pulled into Anna's driveway, seeing her car wasn't in the garage. I grabbed my backpack, groaning as the dull ache in my shoulders returned, and locked up my truck. Trudging up to the door, I pushed it open and walked straight to my room. I tossed my bag into its designated corner and sat down in front of my laptop. Opening it, I went straight for my Spanish homework. It was the easiest thing I had, and right now I really didn't want to work hard. I pulled out the worksheet we were supposed to be doing, started up Google and searched the first question. I could've used a translator, but I knew that there would be a Quizlet that had all the translations if I looked hard enough. Almost none of my teachers made their own material, so there were bound to be answers somewhere. Sure enough, when I scrolled down, the last result was the one I needed. I opened it and saw all the answers. I smiled victoriously.

Too easy.

I quickly filled in the sheet and replaced it in my Spanish folder. I moved on to my Bio. It was a packet my teacher called a "reading guide" and it was based off the chapter in the textbook we were supposed to read independently. 

"Supposed to" being the operative words.

I knew for a fact that no one in my entire class had opened the book, much less read it. Why would we? The answers to every single thing our teacher had ever given us were online. I quickly searched again. This time, the first result was a PDF of the answer key. I sighed. Even though I had all the answers, the packet was still seven pages long, and they took forever to fill in. I started to write, completing the multiple choice questions, then moving onto the short responses. These things also had a shit-ton of diagrams, which made it take even longer.

As I continued to copy from my computer, my mind drifted off, thinking back to school today. It had felt like my first day had happened all over again, except this time without Alyssa. I felt friendless and lonely, but luckily I was quick enough to revert back to the old me, at least on the outside. I didn't need friends. I didn't need anyone. I was Soph Miller, junior and badass lesbian who was always on her own. In a way, it was the person I'd always wanted to be. Independent and strong. Letting people in made you weak and vulnerable, and that made it easier for you to get hurt. That was the last thing I wanted now. To get hurt again.

Because internally, I was already hurting bad. I hated how easily Ari had left me this way, frustrated and scared at the mere thought of losing her. Internally I berated myself. This is why you don't make friends. 

I dropped my pencil and buried my head in my hands. As I massaged gently around my temples, the ache behind my eyes receded somewhat. I closed my eyes and relaxed in my chair. I began breathing easier. My worries and my stress, though still there, felt a little bit more manageable. I took a final deep breath, steadying my heart rate, then opened my eyes and picked up my pencil. I kept writing, trying to keep my mind on the task at hand. After an impressive twenty minutes of solid focus, I finished the packet. Letting go a small sigh of relief, I put it back in my Bio binder. 

Instead of picking up my English homework like I should have, I threw myself onto my bed. Even though I needed to finish it, I really didn't want to. I had absolutely no motivation at this point. After that intense focus session my mind was busy once more; stressing over softball tryouts, worrying about Alyssa, and fearful of what might happen with Ari. My headache had returned quickly after all the thinking I was doing. There was no room in my head for me to focus on Romeo and Juliet. I needed a break.

I rolled over onto my stomach, feeling the pounding in my head lessen a little as I closed my eyes. I pretended I was melting into my soft mattress. It was one of the few comforts I had left for right now. God, I could just take a little nap, and then I would finish the rest of my homework--