The Way It Used to Be

42

"Do you have to go?" she asked, her voice quiet and raspy from sleep.

"Not yet," I answered, nuzzling my face into her neck. "But I will later."

She groaned and rolled over to face me, and I placed a kiss on her lips. It was weird how normal it felt. As if this was how we had always lived. As if we hadn't shattered each other over and over again and tried to live apart. As if I hadn't spent the last year and a half trying to live a life loving someone other than her.

I reached up to push her hair away from her face. "Go back to sleep," I whispered, but she shook her head. "Not if you're leaving in a few hours," she responded, "I run the risk of my carriage turning back into a pumpkin."

I shook my head. "This isn't a mistake, Beautiful," I said, "And your clock isn't going to run out. This is what life is supposed to be. Me. With you."

I understood her confusion. I felt it, too. Hell, I was terrified. My heart was going to beat right out of my chest. Beau and I had slept next to each other hundreds of nights. We'd woken up hand in hand, leaning or laying on each other, either in her bed or on the couch. It was normal and comfortable. But this... this seemed like a ticking time bomb. Like at any minute life was going to say "Just kidding!" and my heart would break all over again.

Her eyes were fully opened now, and she seemed alert, as if she wasn't still half in a state of dreaming.

"Pancakes and coffee?" I asked her. She nodded, and we began to sit up. I turned on the lamp beside her bed, and the room flooded with soft light. She had covered herself with her quilt while I stood, and she watched me, her eyebrow raised.

"Why are you hiding from me?" I asked her. "I was inside you last night, Beautiful."

She blushed, and it was adorable. Then, she responded, "I don't know. It's just... this is so unfamiliar now."

I had never been pushy, so I nodded as if I understood. I pulled on my pajama pants, then bent to grab her panties and my old T-shirt she had been wearing. I tossed both of them to her where she sat, and then I headed for the door. "Don't be long," I called over my shoulder. I heard her feet on the floor as soon as I left, and I smiled.

She was right behind me when I reached the kitchen. I barely had time to scoop the coffee into the coffee pot before she was pulling herself onto the counter to watch me work. We didn't talk much while I cooked the pancakes, flipping them high into the air while she laughed. It was a trick I had picked up from Jamie, but I wouldn't tell her that. I knew this kitchen like the back of my hand. I scooped flour from the glass canisters Verne had kept on the counter for as long as I could remember. I poured cold milk into my mixing bowl and added a splash to a coffee cup for her coffee that wasn't quite ready. The whole process of cooking breakfast took less than thirty minutes, and she poured syrup on our plates while I poured coffee. We looked at the kitchen table, but it was as if we could read each other's mind and both headed for the living room. We sat side by side on the couch, watching old cartoons while we ate.

She had just put her plate down on the coffee table when I heard the familiar rumble of Jack's Tacoma on gravel. I moved to set mine down on the table before adding an exasperated, "Now, what the hell?"

He slammed the door to his truck and crossed the yard in as few strides as possible. He bounded up the steps and threw the screen door open before bursting into the house.

"What the hell?!" we both said at the same time. His eyes fell on me, and then on Beau, whose legs were tucked under her on the couch as she leaned against me. I pulled the quilt from the armrest and draped it over her lap, covering her bare legs and black panties from view.

"Finally?" he asked, and he crossed his arms across his chest. I rolled my eyes, and he crossed the room to pick up Beau's plate so he could finish off her pancakes. He sank into the chair closest to the door while he chewed and started hurling questions as he chewed. "So what happened? When? Is this why you broke up with Jamie? Is this why you gave me the night off and said you wanted to stay?"

I stared at him before taking a long drink from my cup of coffee. "Would you shut up already?" I asked, and he laughed.

"Hey," he said, holding up his fork and pointing at us. "I'm happy for y'all. Maybe now you'll quit acting like a lovesick puppy and she'll quit crying herself to sleep."

"Hey!" Beau interjected, and I wrapped my arm around her.

He shook his head and immediately changed subjects to asking why I wouldn't go to work this morning. Apparently, Neil had called him and told him I was in bed with some hussy and that he needed to knock some sense into me. He ended by saying he was happy for both of us, then, he popped the last remaining bite of Beau's pancakes into his mouth. He stood, crossed the room to kiss her on the cheek and added, "Don't leave again, kid," then put his hard hat on and bounded back out to his truck. He called out, "Get your ass in a bucket by lunch," as he went.

I knew I wasn't getting out of it.  I also knew that by lunch was not the same as at lunch. So, I eventually returned our plates to the kitchen sink and went upstairs to take a shower.

I wanted to asked Beau to join me, but after her hiding behind the quilt this morning, I didn't want to push. Instead, I kissed her on the head again and left her sitting on the couch. 

The hot water felt amazing on my skin, but I missed her. It was so strange how being away from her for an instant could make me miss her. She was in the same house. Breathing the same air. But, still, I missed her. There was so much time to make up for.

She didn't join me in the shower, but she did sit on the edge of the tub and talk to me while I shaved and brushed my teeth.

Today was the day, she decided, when she learned that I'd be working downtown right down from the flower shop. So as soon as I was done shaving, she showered.

I had to leave while she was still standing under the stream of water, so I knocked first. "Hey, Beautiful, I've gotta go," I called.

"Come here," she called back.  I opened the door and walked in, my breath catching in my throat when I saw her standing there behind the glass.

I crossed the floor of the bathroom too her and pulled the shower door open.  Steam hit me in the face, as well as the vanilla scent of her soap. I breathed deeply, inhaling the scent as if I could keep it with me all day.

"I've gotta go," I said softly. "I'll see you if you come into town later."

She turned the water off, and we were silent except for the sound of the soft dripping from the faucet. She placed her hands on either side of her face, and I couldn't help but look down the length of her body. God damn, she was beautiful.

Holding my face, she pulled it close to hers and said, "Be careful."  She over annunciated each word for effect, and I nodded before kissing her lips then turning my head to kiss her palm which still rested on my face.

"Always," I responded, before backing away slowly. I reached for her clean towel draped over the towel rod and wrapped it around her body before leaving, backing out of the bathroom so I didn't miss one minute of being able to look at her.

"I love you," I said, just as I turned, so I didn't have to stick around in case she didn't say it back.