SINNERS & SAINTS ⋆ nikki sixx

27. ✭ bittersweet symphony

"I think that the night he told me all of his past, and I opened up to him about dad" my eyes started to water. "I think that might've been when I knew that I had feelings for him. Maybe. But the time I realized I was head over heels, absolutely sickeningly in love with him? When I thought that I was pregnant with his child. That's probably when....I mean, I told him that I loved him way back when we first moved in with one another at the house, but I think that a pregnancy scare, and how I just had to reevaluate every last thing in my life, made me realize that I didn't actually mind if Nikki was the person I'd have to go through something that major with."

She toyed with her wedding band. I didn't want to say anything, but when she bit the inside of her lip and stared back at me, that's when I understood.

"Having a hard time trying to figure out if this divorce is what you want?" She nodded and let out a deep breath, like she was relieved that I said it and not her. "You've got some time to think about it yet."

"I know, I just don't think Vince sees it any other way." I nodded in understanding, my lips pulling into a frown at the thought of our group starting to crumble. "He's not in love with me anymore, so he wants out. And to be honest, I don't think I ever was in love with him. I just stuck around, and then got pregnant, so I didn't think leaving him was an option."

"Is that why you asked me how long it took me to realize I was in love with Nikki?"

"Yep" she flicked the cigarette butt into the ashtray and leaned backwards in her seat. "I thought that it might've taken you a lot longer than what it did. Because if I was ever even slightly in love with Vince, it was definitely after we got married. It was mainly just lust, and then I didn't know how to tell him I wasn't really into everything that we were doing with our lives together."

"You're really calm about this" I laughed a bit as Beth just smirked, picking at her nails. "I thought that you'd be a lot more upset about getting a divorce. If not for yourself but for your kid."

"I was, but then I realized it's for the best. Vince and I have never been a proper couple, I think we were just lonely and I knew that he'd be there for me when I needed him, and the same the other way around." She shrugged. "I can't even remember the last time we slept in the same bed with one another before he went to prison."

"Really? Shit...I didn't think things were that bad. Vince always seems so happy when we're all out, and so do you."

"It's because we've been seeing other people" I gasped "but Vince doesn't know, and I'm not supposed to know about him either, but Tommy can't keep his mouth shut for more than five minutes."

You really think that you know what's going on with your closest friends.

"And what about you and Sixx?" I shrugged. "You're awfully relaxed about what happened this afternoon. Everything okay?"

I nodded. "I think so. Tensions have been a little high lately because he's been stressed out with the band, so I think a bit of space from one another will do us the world of good. I hope."

"Me too, sweetie. You're great together, when he's not kicking you out on your ass, and I really hope that you guys last."

Beth winked at me and I turned to face off the balcony, getting a little bit lost in my own thoughts, wondering whether Nikki was thinking about me like I was him, or if he was getting jacked up alone. Probably the latter.

"Are you gonna call him?" I shook my head without even peeling my eyes away from the sunset, but I could hear her giggling to herself.

"What?"

"Nothing" she pursed her lips to fight a grin. "I just don't think you two will be able to last too long without one another. I mean....how long have you been together? Two and a half, three years? And you've spent less than a week apart from each-other that whole time?"