─── ( memory eight )
08; home.
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HER BODY. they had found her body.
all in once piece is the only thing kenma found he could be thankful for. she'd been missing for a month. the suspect admitted to the kidnapping and murder of y/n and refused to speak of the whereabouts. the memorial service took place a week after those news.
and kenma felt nothing but shame and regret as he honored the memory of her at an empty casket. and then a call. she wasn't in pieces abs parts of her weren't missing. at least she was found- though he couldn't imagine what she'd suffered through. he didn't want to imagine.
his final memory of her, had been walking her home. she was scared out of her mind. to kenma- she seemed paranoid. she was constantly looking over her shoulder and checking her phone, telling kenma to get closer, acting like someone was out to get her. turns out, it was exactly that.
"are you okay, y/n?" he asked that afternoon. "you seem jumpy. it's weird."
y/n failed at giving the boy a reassuring smile, "uh, yeah! uhm yes, yeah- i'm fine... it's okay..." they slowed down near her house and she looked around the area again. checked her phone. "well, this is me..."
kenma simply nodded, "hm, yeah... see you tomorrow," he pulled out his phone and turned on his heel, only to be pulled back by y/n, a strong grip on his elbow.
"i should be at school tomorrow, kenma-kun," she said quietly, casting her gaze down. "i should be there."
"like always," kenma lowered his device, squinting quizzically at his friend as she nodded. "are you okay-"
y/n kissed him.
he could remember the way it felt. her lips were soft and it lasted for a very, very short amount of time. neither one of them made any sort of effort to move further in or embrace one another. it was simple. nice. good. kenma remembered he had hoped for longer, or maybe to do it again some time in the future. y/n pulled away and she gave him an almost shaky smile.
"like always," she said.
and she turned to step into her home.
she wasn't at school the next day. kenma never wanted to remember the kind of anxiety that day held for him. his stomach went through an extreme amount of gut wrenching pain, popping bubbles of nerves and twisting nausea, he had to be excused from practice. and instead of going home, he went to y/n's. she wasn't there. her parents were just as confused.
maybe she went to the shop? maybe she went to blow off steam? everyone wanted to think of any excuse. anything but living in the reality of the situation.
y/n was officially reported missing in just a day due to the strange circumstances.
those next few weeks were the worst memories kenma ever had. but he could only remember the good, early ones as her body was lowered. could only remember her smiles and laugh and voice and her box tasting tea and extremely large stuffies. he could only feel her lips and tight squeezes and remember how angelic she really was. how kind and selfless she had been.
she lived her life... almost like she knew it would be cut short. maybe she did. maybe she saw no way out.
kenma recalled her off days. days when she'd be sad and insist she couldn't tell him the problem. days she would talk to him about her fears of someone breaking in to her home at night. days she would spend an awful lot of time staring anxiously, fearfully at her phone.
it hurt. extremely bad. horrifyingly, terribly bad. it made him sick and his knees week. the entire situation made him feel regret and shame burning the buds of his tongue.
'if only' and 'what if i had just' were the only things on his mind. what if he'd gotten someone else involved? just maybe things could've been different.
her parents, authorities - someone who could've helped.
but he could almost hear her voice in his head, "kenma-kun, you have to look ahead! stop being silly, thinking about stuff you can't change!" yeah. that's what she would say. he wondered what she would think if she knew he was drowning himself in self hatred for doing nothing at the clear signs of something that was much bigger than he himself. "you can't fix something you aren't aware of." she said that to him, once. when he had been complaining about lev and his stupid mistakes- that's what she said. lev didn't fix it until kenma told him what the problem was.
y/n never told him what the problem was. she didn't tell anyone. she convinced herself she couldn't.
so he couldn't change it. nobody could.
it was just how things were. at least, the clouds took back another angel. maybe she had been a lesson. a few, considering all the things she taught kenma. she seemingly appeared out of nowhere and disappeared just like that. an angel the heavens decided they wanted to take back, perhaps. and with that thought, he was okay.
she was no longer suffering. earth was too cruel a place for her to roam, anyhow. the girl was too good. he turned away with kuroo by his side for the last time for a while, he decided. and felt the calm of the words he muttered quietly wash over him.
"YOU'RE HOME, Y/N."
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END.
