The Wandering God

34 In Truth As Well As Name 2/4

Beneath my furs in my small tent, I lay and listened to the sounds of the men readying to sleep in their own tent, which was not much larger than mine.

"Bloody hell Sanli, you can't spread your bed roll in the middle like that, or there isn't enough room for Kageyama and me," Zakhar complained.

"Put Dunya's saddle out then. It's not going to rain, and I'm tired of smelling horse all night long," said Sanli.

"We'll put YOU out if you keep kicking in the middle of the night," I heard Kageyama mutter. Zakhar laughed.

After more rustling and muttered complaints, the men fell quiet. With night, the wind, that was ever present on the wide open plains, finally died. All was still and silent, save for the occasional whicker from one of the horses where they were tethered nearby.

And then the cold came.

I had thought, with the warmth of soup in my belly, it would not be as bad as it had the nights previously. But as the warmth my body had gained from the fire and the soup faded, the cold was worse than ever.

It started as a chill on my forearms and the front of my thighs. Then the chill sank, through skin, through muscle, to my bones, where it settled, like stones on the bottom of a pond.

It had been near a week since we had set out from the temple, and I had been cold ever since. My body longed for the warmth of the temple hot springs to burn away the cold that had set into my bones, as well as the stink of travel.

Even the small bath house at Wo You nai seemed like a distant paradise in my mind.

I sighed to myself. It made no difference longing. I would not have a bath, or be warm, for a long time to come. I somewhat regretted my decision to come north. But it was too late to go back now. I willed myself to sleep.

There was a faint crack from the dying fire. The sound of a hoof fall against the frozen earth as one of the horses shifted in its sleep. Far away, a distant bird screeched, its voice like a knife in the cold silence. I pulled the bearskin more tightly around me, and curled my legs up to my body.

I lay curled that way for I don't know how long, sleep evading me. Feeling the night get stiller and colder around me.

I am so cold. Surely, humans die from cold like this.

But I was not human. I could not die. It did not matter. I just needed to sleep.

I tried, I truly did. I willed myself to fall asleep. I counted clouds in my head, thought thoughts of soothing streams and smooth wind. But still my body stayed rigid with cold, awake.

I can endure this no longer.

I sat up and undid the ties that held my tent flaps together with trembling hands. Slipping my feet into my sheepskin boots and pulling the bearskin rug around my shoulders, I crawled out into the night.

There was no moon, but the stars were so bright their light alone illuminated the earth. It looked like they were falling from the sky, like bright white needles hurtling down toward earth.