affluenza (1.) | ✔️

Make-ups at Moku

I flare my nostrils, feeling uncomfortable. "I don't want to get into everything I've been through, but you should know," he continues, looking at me. "I'm a mess, Braylen. I look for things to put me back together but no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I fall apart."

He looks as if he's on the verge of crying. I knew that if he cried I would, so I look away. Sebastian takes a deep breath and continues. "Last summer...the past year, actually, were the worst. I found out about something that was so unfair, but I knew I couldn't change it. So I was angry a lot. I drank, smoked weed, hooked up with everybody I could.

"And then one day, I was at a party. And I met a guy."

I swallow hard. "Aaron?"

Sebastian shakes his head, scowling. "His name was Nathaniel. We were both really faded and we had sex. I don't remember much of it," he says and I push the feeling of jealousy down into my stomach. "It was the first time I'd gone that far with a guy, though. And that messed me up even more."

"But you said that you didn't really care about stuff like that," I interject. "You know, about being with guys or girls."

Sebastian blushes. "Right. Um, well yeah. This was different, though." I frown, feeling as if he wasn't telling me everything. "Anyways, when we woke up the next morning and the high wore off, I was crushed. I needed something stronger. Something to fill me up, to take away the hollowness I'd always felt. And Nathaniel told me he had a cousin. Aaron."

        He sighs uncomfortably and I almost jump for joy when the waitress breaks up the tension with our food. We focus on eating for a while before he speaks up again, regaining his voice. "Aaron is a drug dealer. Not weed or Xanax or the stuff I was used to. He had harder drugs. At first I started off small. I did molly or cocaine."

        "Jesus, Sebastian," I whisper, instantly worried.

        He shakes his head. "I got worse, Braylen. I needed more. All I could think about was getting high, all I wanted was to forget. I shot up heroin for the first time on the fourth of July. My parents weren't home, of course, and by the time I came down I was passed out next to the water. I could've so easily drowned, Brayls.

        "After that, I decided that I didn't want to do it anymore. It was hard to quit even though I'd only done it once, but I just knew it wasn't what I needed," he mumbles. "But Aaron wasn't letting me go so easy."

        He takes a long sip of water. "I owed him a lot of money. I know what you're thinking; 'Sebastian, you're made of money!' Which is true. Except my mom and stepfather froze my credit card when they found out about the other drugs I was buying. I didn't have any money I could give to Aaron without them knowing. So I stole from the house.

        "At first I was just trying to sell small trinkets to pawn shops, and stuff. But hardly anyone wanted anything a and if I did manage to sell something, it was hardly enough for me to pay off Aaron. So, I went for Victor's watch. He caught me stealing it. I've never felt worse, Braylen. He didn't narc on me or anything, but I just knew that I'd done something awful."

        I lick my lips. "So, did you ever end up paying off Aaron?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

        "I couldn't steal anymore. When I told Aaron I didn't have the money, he sent his goons to mess with me," Sebastian recalls. "That's when I had the black eye. I thought that'd be it; that he'd leave me alone. But then he sent more guys and I kept getting hurt. Everything changed after he laced the pills he'd given me, which caused my seizure. I was so sick of them hurting me. So when I got well enough, I went to Aaron.

        "He told me I had two options. If I didn't find a way to pay he'd tell everybody what happened; he'd tell the school that I was just some drug addict and I'd be kicked out effective immediately. I thought he was bluffing; there was no way he could rat me out without getting himself in trouble, too. But Aaron is a well respected guy in town, much more liked than me. It's not like I'm not known for getting into trouble. Who was going to believe Sebastian Grey over him?"

        I sigh. "What was the second option?"

        "Work off my debt," he whispers and my shoulders slump. "Sell his stuff. Give him everything I earned. Walk away scathe free."

        I shake my head. "Sebastian, you can't! That's not walking away scathe free; that's illegal!"

        "I've got until March," he mumbles. "I owe him over to $2,000, Braylen."

        I balk. "How could you owe him that much? You only missed a few payments!"

        "Drugs are expensive, Braylen. Especially when they come from people with lots of money," he explains, sounding put out. "If I don't do this, my life is ruined. If I do, my integrity is."

        I nod. "So when Aaron texted you to come over?"

        "Just a reminder what was at stake if I failed," he murmurs.

        I swallow hard. This was his secret. "I'm so sorry," I whisper. "I just assumed that...God, I'm an idiot."

        "You're not," he responds quickly. "I should've just told you the truth. I just didn't want you to think of me like that; I swear, I'm not using anymore."

        "Why were you using in the first place? That night with your seizure? I mean, this guy wanted to seriously hurt you at the Bash and yet you're just accepting drugs from him?" I ask, eyes wide.

Sebastian sighs, looking to his left out the window. "It was dumb. I was thinking about you and I wanted to stop. I thought it'd help. Instead, next thing I know I'm waking up on Devin's lap with a headache that lasted for days."

I lick my lips. "Seb, that's not healthy, okay? I need to know that if we're angry at each other or not together that you won't go back to drugs. That could've been so much worse. If you were alone, or I hadn't have picked up the phone. If you hit your head—"

My voice was starting to get hysterical with worry. I take a few deep breaths, shutting my eyes. They flutter back open when I feel a strong hand clasping around mine. Sebastian lifts up our adjoined hands and presses his lips against them. "This wasn't your fault, Brayls. None of it was. Not our breakup or my seizure. We make the best decisions we can with the information given at the time."

"I should've let you explain," I whisper, lowering my eyes. "We should have been more mature and talked it out."

"Maybe," he agrees. "But I wouldn't change any part of our story, Braylen. Not how we met, not how we became friends."

I smile at him and he gently let's go of my hand, picking up chopsticks. "Okay. I have no idea how to use these."

I reach over and help him out, laughing the entire time at his adorable clumsiness. It felt good to laugh again, especially with him. "When did you realize you had feelings for me?" I ask, raising my brows.

Sebastian shrugs. "I think it was always there. I didn't fully realize it until that day we went to the beach. I was driving and we were singing and I just looked over at you and...well."

"I was a bit slower," I admit, stuffing a tuna roll in my mouth. "That night you got hurt during the Bash...I thought I was gonna lose it. I realized that I liked you, that I had for a while now. I just was too stubborn to admit it to myself."

        Sebastian chuckles, giving me a half smile. "What happens next?"

         I bite my lip. What would happen next? Now that we'd talked everything out, knew each other's motives and truths, knew each other's innermost feelings about each other.

        I smile softly. "I'm going to keep you safe. I promise."

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