Thy Neighbor II: Lovin' The Crew

Chapter Fourteen

Hey, Ciara. It's Winston...

She knows who you are already...

Hey, Ciara! Thinking about our car ride the other night, just wanted to ...

Sounds like you're asking her out again...

Hey, Ci!

Ci?!

Hey! Made a playlist of those songs we talked about the other night. Wanted to share. Praying for you during this midterm season.

Of course I'll say I'm praying for her. That's safe.

All Winston knows since his divorce is playing it safe.

Married at 24, he didn't know much of anything else. Freshly married, Winston was on his way to finishing his Masters and thinking about his Doctorate. His wife was on her way to medical school with the goal of becoming a research pathologist. In fact, they pathed their entire lives. Degrees by 27. One child by 30, another by 32 and a move to the West Coast. They both wanted the sun that avoided them since birth.

But in the midst of following the game plan, they forgot about their true dreams. Medical school was the dream of her parents; she wanted to study music and dramatic arts, having done a play or two in college. He wanted to travel around the world as a missionary. They both felt tied down by the dreams of other people. They wanted off the path they created for themselves.

So they went rogue. She quit medical school and enrolled at Tisch School of the Arts. He started applying to missions and was accepted to travel to East Africa, to learn from the Ethopian Orthodox community. They were happy, their dreams were no longer deferred but as Winston planned his trip, he wanted his wife to join alongside him. Why do this alone? But that would stop her dream and with both of them unable to compromise, Winston left her to go fulfill what he felt was the mission of his life.

Skype and texts could only do so much. She fell in love with a fellow student. He started an emotional affair with another missionary. Winston was warned of such a thing before he left, thinking he'd never fall for that type. When he found himself upset that his missionary "friend" didn't text him "good morning", he knew himself to be caught up.

But when Winston returned home, he killed his affair. She hadn't. He saw the Facebook messages, found some of her distraction's clothes inside of their house. A condom in the trash can. He was done.

He blamed himself for pushing an agenda to be free, to break from the plan they had for themselves. He quit missionary work and enrolled back into NYU to finish his Masters. She, however, continued in the arts program and right next to her lover. She wouldn't concede. Her dream was worth it. So Winston thought the marriage wasn't worth it and he filed for divorce.

Since then, he's dated but failed, always attracted to women who would fit inside of this perfect picture of his life. Medical students, PhD students; he tried to find someone that could replace his ex-wife. But then he had fears of his future wife living out her dreams only to find something – and someone — better. He felt disposable, like once she would find something new and better, she'd leave.

Ciara fits the narrative with her dreams of a Doctorate and her determination to change the world. However there is something about her dreams of finding the freedom in her faith, for pushing individuality, for being her despite the culture's insistence that her free-bird self was the problem that attracted him to her even more. She thinks about shaking the tables. She isn't about straight and narrow, she is about doing what her heart feels is right. And she found peace in her heart within her studies, something Winston wish he felt.

And her hips swayed like the ocean when she walked, which Winston felt crash into his body every time he caught a glimpse of her walking throughout campus. Ciara stoked this lustful fire inside of Winston that he hadn't felt in years. At first he believed all of his feelings to be wrong, writing Matthew 15:19 inside of his journal when some nights were rougher than others.

Winston saved all of his cursing for when Ciara left his car, letting out moan-laced expletives as he watched her walk up the steps into her apartment building. He wanted her in all the right and wrong ways, readjusting himself in the driver's seat to allow some room for the growth he couldn't control.

But after a cold shower and his bedtime devotional, his nerves – and body parts – calmed down. He gave himself some grace and prayed that night to not let those emotions motivate his actions. He's seen many of his friends use the opportunity for sex as a reason to act like "good guys."

Y'lan's story was warning enough.

But to Winston, she's unattainable. When he heard Y'lan say that he dated Ciara, he figured himself to be out of the game. Guys like Y'lan are cool and of the culture. They don't look like church boys. They have one foot in the church and one in the streets. Winston was, in all ways, a nerd. A Bible-reading, Jesus-loving nerd. Ciara doesn't go for those, he thought.

Sitting in U City Coffee while awaiting Y'lan's arrival, Ciara doesn't know what to think anymore. Her ice coffee dilutes as she ignores her caffeinated pick me up by scrolling through Trevante's instagram to see if she can find "Meganne The Intern". Ever since that night, Ciara can't help but think that Trevante is continuing to sex another woman into a mess just like her.

Puzzle pieces start to come together in her mind: no wonder Tre held out for so long, becoming super affectionate and protective once they started having sex. She always knew deep-down that Trevante wouldn't be able to handle her celibacy. Naivete increases thinking that a man who couldn't keep his apartment empty if his life depended on it would be able to do such a thing for little ol' her.

"Hey, Ciara. Sorry I'm late." Ciara breaks her search to look up at Y'lan almost out of breath in her sight.

"Hey! It's okay. You breathing hard like you ran here."

"Yeah, my bad. Just played a quick pick up game with some kids. They damn near ran me off the court. I lost track of time." Y'lan's body ripples under his grey Nike sweatsuit. He's not dressed for a meeting and Ciara's growing sexual angst does not care one bit.

As Ciara walks up to the counter to buy a bottle of water for Y'lan, Y'lan works through his plot to confront Ciara about Trevante. Y'lan's anger seethed from his pores listening to Trevante talk about Ciara as his future, as a woman that he'd want to settle down with. There is nothing settling about Trevante, Y'lan realizes. Having seen Tre at his worst at bars and hangouts, he knows him to be far from ready. Ciara would be up against the worst of them with Trevante. Y'lan doesn't want her to get hurt. Again.

Ciara comes back with her aqueous libation for Y'lan. Sitting down in front of her laptop, she looks down to see a message from Winston. Her curiosity overflows until Y'lan breaks her concentration with a question.

"Before we get to this, can I ask you a question?"

Ciara knows exactly what's about to happen.